Extra: Ru Shan Yong

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“Amazing.”

Indeed, he thought at the time, Li Ming Qi’s abilities were a sight to behold. She was a person like no other. He never saw medicine as fast working as hers.

“Beautiful.”

Ah, her face, now that she took off the fake skin covering it, was bewitching. At that time, Ru Shan Yong failed to recognize the meaning behind his fast-beating heart, the thundering sounds it was making for the first time. He thought, quite falsely, that it was just the surprise of seeing her, the real her for the first time.

“She’s going to be the only woman in my life.”

Those words, spoken by his dear friend, rang again, even today in Ru Shan Yong’s mind. The first time he heard them, they were followed by a hollow sound, something inside of him burning off, dying. Yet he still didn’t understand.

He had to see them kissing, for it to finally register.

The moment Ru Shan Yong understood he actually loved a woman, was the very moment his heart had been broken.

Growing up in a military family, he was the middle child in a house of three children. As their father was rarely home, the two young masters had been educated by the old general Ru, who was still alive at the time and very much a strict person. Little to no liberty was given to them. It was some years later, during the attempt rebellion of the emperor’s brother in which their father died and his brother lost a leg, that Ru Shan Yong‘s path in life was forged for him. He was to assure that the Ru family didn’t decline and if before there could be a doubt, now that his elder brother couldn’t fight and his grandfather was too old, he was the most qualified to hold the name Ru to height, in term of military prowess if nothing else.

As such, for the child who was eight at the time, his grandfather sent him to the barrack to spend the rest of his childhood there, to interact with other men, learn from them, adapt to situations and come back wiser while his eighteen-year-old brother at the time was nursed to health at home.

There, Ru Shan Yong befriended the second prince who also regularly went into the barracks. Between the two boys who were the closest of age, a solid friendship built based on rivalry and the sharing of the same interests. That they were the youngest didn’t mean they were the weakest of all.

Besides the second prince, Ru Shan Yong didn’t have many friends within the nobility, though he knew many, they couldn’t be called friends. Friends, those with whom he could actually be seen laughing with –not something like the stretch of his lips, but boisterous laughers that shook his whole being-, could be counted on the fingers of the hands. Maybe that was because the young man was way too used to mingling with his men, and more reluctant to sit and talk of poetries. His men were rough, almost sweating every time someone laid eyes on them and didn’t talk, but shout; despite that, they were particularly fun to be with. Ru Shan Yong couldn’t say the same thing about other people.

So, the fact that he was excluded intentionally or maybe unintentionally –his demeanor sometimes making him hard to approach even as a child- by some people never bothered him. Young, he never wanted anything though never lacked for anything. As an adult, that disposition of him persisted, if only to increase some more. It never occurred to him that the only thing he would finally want would turn into the only one he could never obtain.

The first time Ru Shan Yong met Li Ming Qi had been on the market streets, in the middle of a commotion. A commotion that she, disguised as a man, unintentionally caused. She was trying to sell syrups but the unconventional color had the merchant treated her as a fraud. It was he who bought them in the end. From there on, he met her many more times and it didn’t take long before he figured out that instead of a he the person he was talking with was a she. However, perhaps because too habituated to see her in a male garment, he didn’t consider her a female all that much, thus, talking with her had been easier than with any other woman he had ever met. Though, the same result could still be achieved when she was into women's wears. Li Ming Qi was one who didn’t really perform with the views, had no qualm in giving her opinions, treated everyone with respect -even servants-, he didn’t have to force himself to pay attention to what she was saying out of courtesy for what she usually talked about was never boring.

Ru Shan Yong found himself comfortable by her sides. They became comfortable enough, actually, to call each other intimately. As she called him Yong’er he started calling her Qi’er. For three full years, beside Hen Ru Ying, he had another one to call with a short name.

Though, during those three years, now, he truthfully regretted never understanding his own emotions. If he did… would he be the one… he stopped his reflections here.

What nonsense was he saying when his friends looked so happy together.

Talking about marriage, Ru Shan Yong and his brother didn’t really have that much interest in it. Even if they used to rarely see their father in their early years, the man made it of great importance to partake his views on some subjects and one he was forever warning his children were about women. Though eight when they last talked, didn’t mean Ru Shan Yong was clueless –actually, he had to wait some years later for his brother to clear some shady parts but that wasn’t the point-. For the passed general, he wanted his children to not be lustful. It could lead to death, he liked to say. Women spies were dangerous, even more so in times of conflicts. The man, supposedly, was talking from experience. A rather bloody story about his own father’s concubines and the main reason why he himself only had one wife and no concubine. He used to say that he rather his children are lustful in their early years, than for it to hit them in the second part of their life. They could have servants-concubines but upon marriage only one wife.

Hearing so many negative things on that subject since young could kill people’s interest or rather aroused some. Ru Shan Yong was of the former and in the end, despite his gentle mother’s and kind grandmother’s words, wasn’t looking forward to marriage. He believed that his own wedding would be done after he had achieved his service, made a name for himself, only then would he marry. It would be something born out of duty and the sole desire to be filial to his parents, to have children to continue the name of his ancestors.

Such a boring and cold view of people’s union had been modified by Li Ming Qi. In the young woman’s view, marriage was something truthfully beautiful. The union of two people who swore to heaven and earth of their love for one another. The most sincere act two people could perform and the crystallization of their feelings. Such a thing, the more she talked about it, the less it seemed to match with the married people that could be seen all around. However, such a dreamy thing and obviously chimeric one sounded really beautiful and made his resolve vacillated. And somehow, he started looking forward to married life. He just didn’t know with whom yet…

Now that he finally knew, it had to be a woman who was going to be another man’s wife for a lifetime.

***

“Brother” whispered his sister, Ru Ying Yue, that night trying to get his attention, he who had been strange for days now.

Ru Ying Yue was sixteen and liked coming into her second brother’s yard. Though seven years apart, they get along quite well and usually played Go together. When he was in the mood, he would even spar with her, but recently, every time she came, he would be reading in his study, closing himself behind heavy and tightly shut doors -she wondered what exactly it was that he was doing in there and no matter what she said or how much she pleaded; he wouldn’t come out to see her- or would just sit there tending to his swords, his mind far away where she couldn’t reach. 

And when he was physically here, his mind wasn’t. It was rather unpleasant and recently even somewhat worrying. Ru Ying Yue was only one year old when their father died and didn’t really know the man. Her first brother, Ru Yun Ji, was more like a father figure to her while her second brother was the one she was more relaxed with. Usually. Yet, recently, his thoughts became a mystery to her.

Anxious, Ru Ying Yue went to their eldest brother to talk about it.

Seeing his brother who rarely visits personally come to his yard, Ru Shan Yong was somewhat helpless. Why were people so bent on meddling in his affairs?

Since fifteen years ago, Ru Yun Ji rarely came to this side of the Ru residence. It wasn’t that he was unwilling to visit his younger brother –though there had been that for a time- rather, it was that, too considerate for his elder’s lost leg, Ru Shan Yong rarely left him the chance and was instead the one who will always pay a visit whenever given the opportunity.

For this prominent elder brother who once far exceeded him in everything and mostly martial arts, to see him now having to rely on the help of crutches to walk, Ru Shan Yong was more reluctant to let him exert too many efforts. How much of a heavy blow it had been at the time for Yun Ji to lose his leg, as someone who had been there, Ru Shan Yong knew all about it. Yun Ji went from a highly envied individual to a pitiable and pitied one. More than anything, that brother had hated being pitied. Though his angry retorts and shouting temper at the time didn’t really help. Yuan Ji had been ten years older, but still had to see his brother catch up to his level and in the end exceeded him while he, this useless brother, had his career extinguished. For a time, he had been bitter at the world and unfair to his younger brother. It had taken years for him to accept his situation and adapt; instead of a man of action, he became an adviser. Though the brothers mended their relationship with time and efforts, it still had yet to catch up to their early years.

So, even if they sat together and talked, Ru Shan Yong didn’t truthfully confide what weight was on his heart. And what would he be confiding in any way? To having untold feelings for the prince’s fiancée? Was he looking for ways to shame the Ru family?

Ru Yun Ji looked at his stubborn brother and sighed, having been unable to achieve what he came for.

As Ru Shan Yong looked at his brother’s departing back, he thought, maybe, he should spend some time outside, far from here. He didn’t want to see his family worrying over him and maybe needed to think about other things too. Weren’t there talks about sending people to reinforce the northern borders? Maybe he should propose himself. More so that he had a few ideas about it. He could implement them himself.

Concerning Li Ming Qi… It was really… his loss.

***

The day of the wedding, the sky had been clear, the sun high and shone brightly. The night had been even more beautiful, full of stars with no heavy clouds to be seen. The drums were particularly loud; the laughing heard even by the heavens and the festive couldn’t be more animated. Yet, for him, it was more like a funeral service than a wedding. They were actually burying his soul and he hoped, along with it, his hurt too.

The night of his good friend’s wedding was the first one in a while that Ru Shan Yong drank himself to oblivion.

The hollow in his heart, the sinking feeling tormenting him, indeed, he wished at the time that he was the one by her side. As he saw his friends taking every step to be a pair for life, unable to do anything about it, Ru Shan Yong didn’t really know if he could be happy for them. A part of him wished that Hen Ru Ying did something to annoy her, to let her down so she could come to him instead. Then, regardless of everything else, he would shield her even against the world if need be. He had been the first one to see her, to talk to her, why couldn’t he be the one to share the rest of her life? Why couldn’t they? He too was ready to have no other woman than her.

Another part of him was ashamed of that. So after a short appearance, he disappeared into the darkness of the forest. He couldn’t be seen that night, shouldn’t be. After all, he wasn’t drinking because it was a joyous event, rather he needed to be drunk to be happy. Couldn’t assist any other way, couldn’t lie in any other form.

He couldn’t help but lament about the first time he really wished for something only for it to be unattainable.

He should drink. Drink, drink, and drink. After that, completely drunk, he would lament. Then maybe, regaining his senses the next day, he would finally feel better. For such a thing, he needed no one by his side, wished for no one to see him like that. That was mostly the reason why he chased away his subordinates and to occupy them, ordered them to keep his friends safe.

Hen Ru Ying could protect himself, of course, but then again another layer of protection could do him no bad and though Li Ming Qi was an independent person who could extract herself from difficult situations, not letting her face those difficult situations in the first place wasn’t anything wrong. And one of the recurrent people he needed to protect her from was Hen Ru Ying’s maternal cousin, Mu Rong An.

He wondered why that woman even came today. Didn’t she want her face anymore? To have her engagement broken should be nothing pleasant even if the said engagement was not an official one. Who in the capital didn’t know about it?

Would he pity that person? No, certainly not. He wouldn’t think twice about it or spare an ounce of sympathy. General Ru felt that Mu Rong An deserved what happened to her. She was a prideful person, full of herself, unsympathetic and the kind of person who would take revenge even for the slightest grief. An ever more hateable trait of hers was that she was always targeting Li Ming Qi with her veiled words. That person was, for him, completely unpleasant. The kind of enemy he didn’t like at all –though she wasn’t his enemy.

For the general he was, he liked better the enemies he faced on the battlefield: those people in front of him with a sword ready to thrust in his heart. At the very least, there, there was no masking your determination to strike, no smiling to better kill you. However, while in the capital, it was full of deceptive smiling faces to better sharpen their knives. And Mu Rong An was an excellent example of that.

Even if she wasn’t, could she compare to Li Ming Qi? Was there even a need to compare them? No wonder Hen Ru Ying choose Li Ming Qi. Or maybe it was all his pent-up frustration and anger from her always messing with Li Ming Qi talking and the alcohol wasn’t exactly helping him to keep a straight line of thoughts but Ru Shan Yong felt that Mu Rong An was nowhere near his friend’s level. And anyway, holding onto that engagement for so long, why would she even do that? The prince never voiced his acceptance, why would she busy herself with thoughts of a wedding? Wasn’t she just being delusional?

Keeping his friends safe from that delusional person didn’t seem a bad idea, more so that this night her craziness must have reached another height.

Who would have thought that this time, the mad person would target him instead?

Doused with drugs, he lost consciousness to awoken sometime later, firmly tied to pikes and unable to talk, much less move. Ru Shan Yong could only stretch his vision to see the perpetrator. That woman, Mu Rong An, was calmly reading a book, not even looking at him. His mind not clear yet, he did his best to stay awake, keeping a sound reasoning and sensible train of thoughts, thinking as hard as he could about the best way to get out of this predicament. Muddled with all the alcohol he drank, it was nothing easy to do.

Him, Ru Shan Yong, general Ru, a descendant of a military lineage had been drugged, roped and was now at the mercy of a woman of a boudoir. That kind of a shame, would he one day be able to erase it? And his persecutor was all calm, a slight smile on her face as she kept on reading. From where he was, he couldn’t see that book clearly, but, she said she was ‘learning’. Learning what exactly, somehow, he didn’t want to know the answer at this very moment.

However, his wishes weren’t ones she was taking into consideration, and whether he liked it or not, the realization of what she was after couldn’t be any clearer when she disrobed him and started sponged bathing him. All the while, she was spouting nonsense he had troubles understanding -and he was sure it had nothing to do with his inebriated state, he was just confusing like that! -.

Was she really planning on humiliating him like this? Anger was building up in him like never before. How dared she? How dared she! He wasn’t a person for whom anger came easily but in this situation, nothing served him better than that primal emotion. He tried focusing on it to stay clear-minded, to not lose focus, to not forget. He should stay angry and collect interest so he could make her pay the moment he freed himself.

She started disrobing herself and even though she humiliated him enough to not let him a shred of cloth left, she still kept her inner-wear. No muscle in his body was responding to his brain’s orders, he could only assist, impuissant, as she drank half of a cup of wine and then leaned down on him after taking the other half in her mouth. No matter how much he willed it, he couldn’t not swallow the wine she forced down his throat by her lips and shortly after, his whole body started burning up, letting him know of the special ingredient she added to that wine.

The witch ate leopard’s guts! Since when, was it women taking advantage to men? Glaring at her as she played at will with his body, all kind of torturous ideas went through his mind. He felt hotter, all inhibitions left and when she took him in her hand, the guttural groan that resounded was most certainly not his doing! It couldn’t be! As he was losing control over his own body, he got even more fierce in his thinking: beheading her, giving her bones to the dog with nothing left to burry thus letting her soul never rest in peace. It sounded good enough!

Shivers ran down his body, tremors pulsating him making holding back his voice impossible. All his thinking became a jumbled mess as all he could see now was her, her and her. He was hot so hot and he was all the clearer what his body wanted, needed. When she seated herself on him and started joining them as one, Ru Shan Yong closed his eyes and forgot to breathe. A part of him wished he could forget all the senseless events of the night and let them be part of a nightmare, he wished to extract himself from this ridiculous situation. Another part was willing the present way too much and wished for the release. It was somewhat painful and uncomfortable. Half of him was still out and she looked in pain. The stubborn woman never knew when to give up and as a flash of determination reflected in her eyes, he knew there was no turning back even as she was on the verge of tears. In one forceful move, she sheathed herself completely on him and his thinking ability disappeared as he made a strange sound between a gasp and a groan. Glaring daggers at her, he both wished she got off him yet et the same time that she started moving already.

That feverish sensation in his whole being, those low grunts and accelerated pants, those tremors and shots of pleasure coursing through his body. It wasn’t him. That was the aphrodisiac talking. Just the aphrodisiac. Never him. The kiss that followed, the tongues that waged war, it wasn’t him. He felt nothing. His body, controlled by her, sought its own release. His mind most certainly didn’t! For having controlled him like this, she needed to pay and how he would make her pay for it!

Through the process, she even had the gall to ask how she should be called! A double-time she would pay!

It was hard to keep thinking like this as his grunts turned into moans. He needed anything to keep his mind off of what was happening. He couldn’t turn his head, could only look at her. His eyes turned to her dancing chest that she covered almost immediately with one hand.

“Don’t stare,” she said, while she, she had disrobed him completely yet now dared be unsatisfied from him looking at what little she showed!

In the end, despite his struggling mind, his body found release.

That woman was just too hateful!

Cleaning him with a towel, she nonchalantly draped a cover on him and went to eat. If only it would stop to that. She found joy in forcing her to eat and drink with her mouth.

This person was completely crazy! Energized she took them to a second-round again and even dared used his body as a pillow after that. Really, she wasn’t afraid of dying! And she slept so soundly too!

When sometime later in the night his sensation came back, he only felt his muscle sore and still numb, unsure if it was the work of the drug or the tired state of the flesh.

How could she be crazy like this? Wasn’t she infatuated with the second prince? Why would she even target him? Just because he contradicted her some few times and pushed her in the pond? How could she be so petty? Wasn’t she trying to push Li Ming Qi in there too?

Through the whole night, general Ru couldn’t find sleep.

The next day after she left he still had to wait for the drugs to completely wear down before rejoining the wedding party and leaving for the capital once again.

The whole day, he kept on nursing ideas to pay her back, to let her know what fear is. By night-time, his bloodthirsty imagination finally calmed down and he was more rational, less passionate in wanting to hurt her back. Yet he still wasn’t satisfied with how he should hurt her back.

What exactly should he do to that haughty and lawless woman?

He thought to kill her. For the longest time, that was what he had in mind. When she was moving over him, he had been angry enough to imagine torturing her, later, he settled for a swift death and never let her body be found. Then again, although she certainly deserved to die with no one to cry for her, this solution didn’t satisfy him at all.

For a punch given, one couldn’t fight with a sword. It’s way too cowardly and undignified. She tried to hurt his self-esteem, didn’t she? Mustn’t he then return it that way?

A satisfaction response to that humiliation. Wasn’t it that? Wasn’t it what she was after? Wasn’t it what she was repeating? He too should choose a solution that thoroughly satisfies him. So prideful was she, he should crush that haughty nature of hers.

She used him to vent and that he couldn’t forgive.

He took some days to think about the correct way to go about it. It wasn’t something he could consult others about in any form.

Hearing that her twenty-three years old child -and still childless- was going to the faraway northern borders, his mother tried to detain him some more and even tried talking about his marriage. Usually, he would just brush it aside but this time, instead, he actually asked her to help him prepare.

And what a shock, he was interested in the prime minister’s daughter!

In this lifetime, he didn’t care who he married anymore.

***

Even though he was talking about marriage, the mood of the general wasn’t quite correct these days. No one knew what was wrong. Neither his family nor his subordinates. The latter’s’ wished it would pass through for their daily routines became harsher for no reason they could name. His family couldn’t wrest out of him the reasoning behind his actions and in the end, the whole house just started to prepare for the supposedly joyous event. The other concerned family had approved and a date had been set.

Waiting for that day to come, in the meantime, he spied that miss’s actions. He wondered at this moment, time flying fast and approaching their tied lifetime’s together, was she scared? She should be. She was definitely apprehensive for what he had in mind. Was she uncomfortable and restless?

If she really was, she was quite good at hiding it from everyone. Instead of wallowing in fear of his retaliation, in the short months time before their wedding, she had stored quite the amount of poison. So vicious? She was already planning to kill him? Very well, he wouldn’t be going easy on her.

Such delicate skin she had. He ordered his servants to find the most rugged cloth they could find. Wearing it, how itchy would she get?

The wedding day passed without any hindering. How was her mind the whole day? Jittery? Scared? It was a shame he couldn’t see her face under that red veil to ascertain it by himself.

By night time, when he could delay meeting her face to face no longer, he leisurely strode to where she was. So calm even now? Even having the mind to order light dishes to be brought! At the very least one would recognize her that she was indeed fearless or maybe completely stupid!  Not in mind to share small talks, he directly took all the bottle of poisons and let her alone for three days. He had other things to do besides taking care of her. He had to select those with whom he would be departing, arranged for the safety of the additional weapons he was bringing and check once more the arrangements made.

He found out that she wasn’t the least disturbed by living here like she owned the place, and seemed nonchalant about his whereabout; until when visiting her family for the return day, he mentioned her following him to the borders. She lost her cool and seemed to pale drastically. Her perfect smile slipping off. More than fear, he read dread in her eyes and could see her clenched hands shaking, her lips trembling.

So scared to leave the capital? She had such little courage yet daring enough to look for troubles. Really one who knows nothing of suffering!

Unconcerned and unsympathetic, he informed her that none of her servants would be following. It was already his grace that he didn’t kill those four for what they had done.

The departing day, as she was forced to leave the carriage to settle on a horse, he discovered that she really didn’t know how to ride a horse! Turning deaf to her protests, with a wave of his hands he had his men help secured her on it and tied her horse to his. Trembling despite the assurance she wanted to portray, she was as trying to keep as straight as a rod, unwilling to glance at the floor. Such a little distance was already scaring her?

Time and again she asked for a rest and time and again he allowed if only to see that smile of hers stiffen as he said the words ‘let’s resume’. In those moments, unwillingness would flash in her eyes and she would look at him from the corner of her eyes, seemingly debating if she should plead with him some more. He wondered when would she break down?

She persisted and even though tried negotiating to return inside the carriage all day long, she didn’t shed a single tear nor threw any real tantrums or shamelessly pleaded to go back.

When the food only consisted of dried meats, soup crudely made and repetitive rice and bread, she started retching just at the sight of it. How delicate had her eating habits always been? She was getting thinner before he even started what he really had in mind for her. He could only force her to eat it even if she would really vomit later. As retaliation he supposed, she would make it pass with his pieces of sugar cane. So long as she ate something he didn’t really care, he could order more pieces to be brought to him.

The clothes were indeed harsh on her skin. He could see the red traces it marked on her though she went by the day, and didn’t seem to care. Only, his eyes shone brightly every time he allowed her to take a bath.

She sweated so easily. Red from exhaustion despite doing nothing, she was still stubborn enough to carry that enigmatic smile as though she was taking a cup of tea. He wondered, how long she would keep up with the pretense? Though he could see her act cracked by the day as her smile was less and less bright.

Upon arriving, he saw her kissed the palm of her hands as he briefly glared at her horse. He raised a brow at that.

Not caring much more about her, he left with his men, letting her see for herself the state of the place she was going to leave in. He had ordered for it to not be cleaned at all. He wondered what sort of mess she would be found there for it had been a year since no one set foot here.

His idea for her was a life without luxury, far from her family, her friends. Her everything. No one she could reach to, no one she could talk to, no one she could laugh with. No one to serve her and no one to help. A haughty person who couldn't be haughty anymore. He didn't want her life but to break her pride.

He felt like he wanted to see what she could do with her little two hands. Would she starve? Would she instead when she understood that no one would help take the initiative to clean? What exactly was this haughty person feeling as she was doing servant’s work?

He thought she would cry. Unashamedly, he was after her tears. It would be a good starter. Maybe if she cried, his anger when seeing her face would diminish.

After all, she was brought up with a silver spoon in her mouth since a toddler and now she had to fend for herself. What she wore, had to cook, had to bath alone, to clean her room… those things with her personality would she so easily bend down and do them?

She didn't break down though and fiercely held onto that pride of hers instead. After cooking -miserably- for three days, she did nothing for the fourth and by the fifth, she was vomiting and couldn’t get up from the bed. Hearing the old woman reported this with a hint of worry on the face, Ru Shan Yong allowed food to be brought to her every five days but prohibit any other form of help. So far as she didn’t die from undernourishment she could choose to not wash her clothes for all he cared.

Ru Shan Yong liked to think he wasn’t a petty person and could be quite forgiving depending on the situation, but there was no way he would let what she did to him pass.

Seeing her food’s situation getting better, she actually didn’t beg to see him and compromise with other things but instead tried to manage the rest by herself as though she wasn’t the fourth miss of the prime minister’s manor but instead some kind of servant. Did she really felt nothing doing all that? She could really be quite a stubborn one. She would rather cut herself with knives, turn her hands rough from washing cloth or cleaning than beg him. That pride, he wondered what exactly he should do to destroy it. At which point could he humiliate her?

She got heatstroke some days later and fainted. She was working on an empty stomach under the blazing sun. With that easily burned skin of hers was she actually after death? For once, upon waking up, she didn’t even try to smile and completely drop the pretense. Instead, she immediately closed her eyes and pretended she couldn’t see or hear him. Pacing a little in the room and feeling unsatisfied despite clearly having been able to make her unable to smile, he finally sat down and ordered a small table to be brought.

Having come here in precipitation, he still wore his armor, which he quickly took off and wore something more comfortable. Sitting in the room, polishing his sword, it let him think a bit. Sometime later, the person who really went to sleep after closing her eyes finally opened them again.

Her smile, as she woke up to see him cracked before reforming itself with a new glint of brilliance, unwilling to be undone. If the sight of her wasn’t particularly annoying then, he would have found it a bit funny.

Though once she started speaking, he understood once again that Mu Rong An, this person, was positively sick in the head. When she would let her smile drop and the fakeness disappeared, the words coming from her mouth were ones which would make others boil with fury. Killing his women if he chose to have others? Not sparing the children if they had the misfortune to be borne? Where was the dignified daughter of the prime minister? That one hailed from all sides of the country for her purity and her virtuousness? Just, where was she? Which eyes exactly saw compliments like that on this poisonous woman?

Indeed, she was a twisted deranged person. And he made such a person his.

He wondered then, where exactly was it him exacting revenge on her? How could it be considered them even? What exactly was he supposed to do to satisfy his own anger, that, for a reason or another was diminishing? Was he going soft because she was a woman? Because she fainted and her whole body seemed red and hurting? Was it because that stubbornness was shining in her eyes even now, even in that current state of hers? She was resolute in her vain and prideful, although, wrong ways. The stubborn woman obviously shouldn’t be pitied, for she asked all of it to befell on her.

He hadn’t in mind to pursue women anyway and hearing his answer, she actually chuckled. Fearless, she even hummed as she sat in front of him by the table staring at his hands working on his sword. For once, she let her perfect manners slip and put her elbows on the table. Seemingly, the words she just said now, seem to be nothing big at all. And he was certain, in her heart she had said even more terrifying things and for once, she wasn’t covering them or faking sweetness.

Apparently, she was ready to drop the pretense. Should it be considered his victory?

2

Ru Shan Yong chose to take a step back and things like hurting Mu Rong An or making her more uncomfortable, he gave such thoughts a rest if only for the time being. The woman wasn’t the only matter weighing on his mind after all. 

The northern borders were made of small villages living side by side, separated by some miles between them but there was also a bigger one, which could be assimilated to a small city. Lei village. Goods from the capital arrived there first, and it was also where the only market of the borders laid. Around it, a couple of men had already been arrested as transgressors and the overall situation seemed to have calmed down with the additional men that arrived from the capital. Though it was comprehensible, this sounded a bit fishy when analyzing the degree of troubles and tactics used to make them. Consequently, he couldn't help but think they shouldn't have been handled so easily. Previous reports were talking about former military men who were amassing enough manpower and intelligence to form a rebellion. Where was it now?

Taking some men to delimit the extent of some days’ ago destruction in the village and assess the situation, Ru Shong Yan tracked some runaway perpetrators' tail until the forest where, in the end, it disappeared completely. Such a well-organized escape route, was it really simple bandits again? Even those that were arrested were simple minions unable to provide any real answer. As he was contemplating such, he was met with a peculiar scene. A carriage was broken, its horse having being overturned and was still neighing painfully on the floor where it laid, trapped by the wood that chained it. Not far from it, swords were being exchanged. A short person fighting three others seemingly protecting the carriage and before the general could order his men to help, the person already finished his opponents by himself, knocking them out almost easily.

Perched on little black not far from the scene, Ru Shan Yong could clearly see, the person’s face, stature, and it occurred to him then that it was actually a woman. Inattentive for a moment as someone inside the carriage was calling for her, she failed to see one of the men who previously laid on the floor, defeated, redressed and attempted a sneak attack. In quick movements, Ru Shan Yong threw the dagger at his waist and it immediately impaled the man’s arm rendering him immobile again, screaming from the pain.

Bewildered, it took her some seconds to understand what happened. She immediately knocked out the loud man, successfully letting him passed out now, before approaching the man who just helped her, her eyes straining a second behind him, taking in the military men at his sides. Bowing her head, she sincerely thanked him, and in the action, presented herself as a man. Ru Shan Yong humored her and didn’t expose her at all, as he ordered his men to help lift her carriage and its horse.

That was how he met Feng Xi.

The general came down from his horse and approached the carriage's occupants that were been helped out by Feng. From the broken door, he could catch glimpses of the excess of cushions, his mind couldn't help then but drift to a certain woman who kept on buzzing him all the way from the capital to these borders about comfortable means of transport. A soft voice came to his ears,

"I know what manly means now."

Ru Shan Yong’s eyes squinted, glaring at the one who just talked. It was a petite woman, didn’t seem twenty yet. Faced with the glare, she gasped; retracting her gaze as she hastily wiped the fine line of blood under her nose and tried to hide behind an older man who was already apologizing in her stead. Ignoring them, the general circled around the carriage, and helped with two of his men, lift the woods that were trapping the poor. It neighed painfully as it got up, one leg broken. He petted the animal, trying to calm it down, his gaze on the now tied bandits. They were so well clothed for bandits, and their swords lying around, at first glance, looked high-quality ones. Were they really simply interested in the appeal of robbing? Though not paying them attention, Ru Shan Yong could still hear the whispers around him,

“I can’t believe you said that. Goodness, you’re precious!” laughed Feng Xi. And an embarrassed answer came to her, a muffled one.

Had Mu Rong An being here she would know that he wasn't supposed to act like this. Instead, he should be talking with Feng Xi after ordering his men to take away the bandits for later interrogation. Then, the spies in his ranks would make sure that those bandits couldn’t live to be interrogated. However, now he was the one personally taking care of observing the bandits being hauled on horses and was also directly performing the interrogation, not letting them out of sight even for a moment.  

As such, some spies were exposed earlier, one of their dens was discovered earlier and the fact that many in the dark were tampering with the country’s politics were made to light. Nonetheless, they weren’t able to expose that spy before entering the den. As the location of that place left one of the bandits' lips, a strange smell filled the air. Though he tried to hold in his breath, from the moment the door was forcefully closed from the outside to the moment he broke it, a good amount of the gas had filled his lungs. He felt his body weighed a ton, his muscles spasming, his mind feverish.

The general fell to the trouble that he shouldn’t have originally.

However, he still dealt with his assassins that were waiting outside and the incident let him understand that the matter was deeper than he thought, the spies even infiltrated in the military. They were the ones working on these borders for years. Certainly acting like that, they got jittery that he was searching too closely. At that moment, it never occurred to him that actually, those spies could also be between his men. He wholeheartedly trusted his men, while keeping a watch from the others.

He spoke about it to his advisors. They were three.

The den was searched thoroughly though he wasn’t in the state to lead the search; instead, his vice general did that. But as could be guessed, it was already deserted. Things were hastily taken away. They still found a couple of others. Wasted weapons, swords that couldn’t be used anymore. There were also ashes, hastily burned papers.

Meanwhile, the military physicians were preparing a concoction to let him feel less… so heavy. He had troubles standing lest could he hold a sword.

There were also some remnants of drugs found there, though they were set on fire. But it had been possible to extinguish the fire and collect some intact bottles. The physicians inspected them. There, they found what caused their general to become as he was now, so he could now try to produce a correct antidote instead of the trials ones they gave.

A couple of days later, when the general’s state shown to be improving and his mind seemed clearer, his vice general once more brought the reports to him about what was found in that den. There was also sleeping gas, poison and besides those, there was also what seemed to be aphrodisiacs. Reading that, Ru Shan Yong’s mind drifted to the woman who was in his manor.

Besides that, there wasn’t much indication about the perpetrators.

He absentmindedly took the almost empty fiol in his hand, the clear liquid letting him remember a particularly annoying night. Should he try to let her taste her own medicines? He went on with this half thought thing, not really there, his mind absent. He didn’t wait to sleep on that thought and ordered his horse to be saddled

Little black neighed and snorted, discontent at being handled so roughly.

***

He had taken it a little further than she did. He bounded her, blindfolded her and the smoke coming from the incense had a thicker smell of aphrodisiacs. In the beginning, she called his name, complaining; but as he stayed mute, she began panicking, her fear overriding any other emotion and he couldn’t help then removing the blindfold and opening his mouth. He laughed then.

He heard her sighed in relief as his fingers touched the moist by her eyes. Though facing her tears, finally, he still had no sense of accomplishment at all. His body grew cold, his hands trembling. He tried convincing himself that his medicine was wearing off and that lingering gas in his body was acting up again, though in truth he felt less than dirt but unwilling to confront that, still stubbornly stuck to his plan.

“What happened?” she asked and he stilled completely.

“I… wondered,” came his hoarse voice in a whisper sometime later.

Should he call her stupid for trying to read him or crazy? Or maybe particularly intelligent for distracting him?

As she pretended to sleep while he was taking her to bath themselves, he tripped and almost fell. His body was still heavy, lifting her wasn’t really easy. He had, in this strange situation, one completely unrelated thought: should he stumble and fall then put the blame on her weight, come fire or hell she would seek he took back the words whatever it may take.

***

He woke up the next day, feeling more tired than when he went to sleep. As he slowly changed from lying down to sitting on the bed, she was eager to talk about a truce. They were even she said.

Were they? 

Why not? Didn’t he do to her what she first did to him?

Why wasn’t he feeling better then? Why, instead, did he felt like less than the person he used to be? Angry and disgusted with himself he got up and left the room, accepting to let her servants returned to her side.

The accommodation of her life was then a situation of ‘of course’. He gave her the privilege of ordering servants again, for he made his men bring nine ones to wait on her.

As he was trying to regain the control of his body, swinging his blade in order to retrieve his dexterity, that person found nothing better to do than to sit by her table, tea in front of her as she observed. And she talked. She was fond of talking. Where was the woman who would smile politely at the side of the prince appearing like a beautiful angelic painting? When she finally stopped, she still sat there to look at him.

Ru Shan Yong really didn’t know exactly why she seemed so at ease with him. Before their engagement, she wouldn’t approach him and would actually make sure to stay clear as he glared from afar. After what she did and their wedding, from the capital to here, though she appeared nonchalant, she was on higher guard around him. He just had to take one step in her direction, that she would subconsciously raise her hand in front of her ever so slightly when she wasn’t taking a step back; though in the end, she would retrieve that step and would take down that hand as though ready for whatever would be following. But now it wasn’t that. Now, she just didn’t seem to care anymore.

Trying to decipher this person was headache-inducing. Well, he was just human too, had actually understood his wife.

***

As the physician finally settled and made the correct antidote against the gas, he appeared awkward as he gave the concoction to the general. Though he had listed a certain amount of side effects Ru Shan Yong didn’t bat an eye. It wasn’t the first time that medicine was bitter or making his throat itch or messing with his digestion. Two full bowls of dark liquid must be drunk in the morning, in the afternoon and at night.

The physician finally bowed and said it could temporarily mess with his ability to procreate. Who cared about that? Now that he knew the missing side effects that hadn’t been explained was this, he didn’t hesitate before finishing his drinks. Unbeknownst to him, this action of his would make Mu Rong An doubted her ability to give birth and he actually never linked it to this medicine, it was simply a piece of information he didn't bother remembering. And later when Mu Rong An would be asking the physician about her concern, the latter just thought that the general wasn’t willing to let his wife bear children yet, but was still tactful enough to just say it was a matter of time. He, of course, wouldn’t be putting his nose in matters that didn’t concern him.

Ru Shan Yong stayed in his manor for some days, the time for him to correctly feel every muscle of his body as he reviewed the situation he was in. He actually even turned his second yard into a meeting room with his men.

Sometimes, he would think about the woman in his manor too. Actually, she wasn’t really masking her presence at all, quite the contrary, one simply couldn’t ignore she was here. He wondered a bit now, what exactly should be done about his current situation with his wife. It wasn’t really something he wanted to think over, certainly not with the ongoing troubles, but the woman just wouldn’t make herself unnoticeable. The moment they were sharing the same space, she just had to make her presence known and if her constant blabbering didn’t faze him anymore, she took the initiative to touch him.

That woman was certainly an unashamed one who had the guts to say “what’s there to be ashamed of?”

More times than he liked he was at a loss of words with her as his opponent and he stopped trying to win against her on that matter. Let her talk as much as she liked, let her touch. She, after all, wasn’t going beyond that.

He did think about restraining her movement, locking her in the room, prohibiting her from moving at will but then again, he had himself agreed to a truce, wouldn’t that actually be contradictory? So, he more or less bore with it. He thought about sleeping elsewhere but then again, there was just one used courtyard and the person liked face. Would he let the servants see that he rather slept anywhere else but with his wife? In that case, wasn’t it as though he was once again punishing her, as though he was determined still to humiliate her? With a bit of unwillingness but more to act as per his given words, he was still sleeping in the same bed as her.

***

As they were abed, she was once again talking. Even said that she would listen must he feel the need to do so too. But he felt that despite being the most talkative of them both, she was the one who was saying less. However, he vaguely understood, this person was really trying to reach to him… and he was unwilling to change their status quo.

Did Ru Shan Yong vehemently hate Mu Rong An? If asked he would say no, but it didn’t mean he liked her, didn’t even want to like her. He wasn’t holding grudges. For what she did, she had already been punished and he wouldn’t punish her double time. Her anger with Li Ming Qi and what she did in relation with Hen Ru Ying was something that had already being taken care of. Still, they were actions he couldn’t forget.

Concerning it, he used to think and was still thinking, that there was nothing wrong with what his friend did. The empress may have wanted to see her son marrying his cousin, but the prince himself never said such and every time the second prince was forced to spend some quality time with this cousin of his to cultivate feelings, they were always accompanied. The general, for being his close friend, knew that he never gave gifts by himself, they were always what they empress had picked for him to give. Did Mu Rong An really never understood that? Maybe, if Li Ming Qi never appeared, the second prince would have married this woman, if only to obey his mother and because for him if not Li Ming Qi then any other person would do. Where was the problem then, with cutting ties? Certainly, if since young feelings had been unable to be cultivated, this person herself should have understood that it was best to back away and leave her place.

However, as the blabblersome person talked since he refused to, for the first time he got to hear her side of the story and for the first time, he asked himself whether the basis of his comparison between the two women was fair, whether or not the matter couldn’t have been handled more efficiently. Was the prince really right all along?

Hen Ru Ying never recognized their engagement. But, does never recognizing it really absolved him of everything?

From Mu Rong An’s point of view, it seemed different. She had always being assured that she would be Hen Ru Ying’s main wife, the most likely one to be the empress and had been given the education to assure that. A demanding one. Repeated since young that he was her husband to be, even if she didn’t love him, at one point, she must have forced herself to do so. After all, with novel writing left and right about love -and this woman loved to while away her time reading these kinds of nonsense-, every woman fancied experiencing something like that and it was so easy to project such an idea on her husband to be and imagined what her life would have been.

'Don’t worry', had assured the empress to her, 'once you’re married he would be different'. With that kind of words from his mother, was this person really assured? Ru Shan Yong wasn’t really sure he believed. Then again, he asked himself, what would they have her do? Disobey and disrespect the empress? Refused to be taught? Risked being punished by her father? The general thought, she too, seemed to have had her share of reasons to hold onto that engagement.

Though the prince never recognized that engagement, he actually never voiced it aloud. It would have complicated too many matters and would have made an enemy of the prime minister before time. It would be another political problem. Ru Shan Yong wondered though, would it have changed something for her if the prince went ahead and properly let her know his position,

“… Maybe… maybe not. He never tried though; just didn’t talk, only to say something when it was too late and feelings have been developed.”

It occurred to him then that this person had really been attached to the prince. He couldn’t face it, his own thoughts, his own biases and lack of consideration and maybe that was why he was forcing her to talk? However, digging so much into her own emotions she pulled away and started being shameless again. As Ru Shan Yong was seriously reflecting about it, she interrupted his thinking, asking if he wasn’t jealous that she was talking about other males. Should he? This time, however, he recognized her action for what it was: a result of fear and an unwillingness to have her person be read by him. She simply wanted to distract herself from her thoughts. He wasn’t a willing participant in that and he made sure she felt it.

Frustrated, she blurted,

“Close your eyes. If it helps just imagine that it’s the woman you love!”

Anger seemed to be the right thing to feel. How despicable must she think him to be if he could actually do that? He roughly placated her on the bed. Now, she was under and he over, his hands gripping hers, holding her still.

“Being rough is fine too” she encouraged daringly, one of her legs suggestively going to his back, mirth back in her eyes again.

However, holding her like he was, despite what she was saying, he could still feel her slightly shaking and he wasn’t exactly sure why? Was she still emotional from baring her feelings? Was she scared of his sudden movement and scared of what he might do? He stilled unsure how to continue from here.

She moved her leg on his hips, encouraging him to continue. In her eyes, he could see her plea. He bent down then and kissed his wife slowly, comfortingly, letting her free her hands. One shouldn’t beg to be loved, he wanted to tell her but at this moment he understood, should those words leave his lips, he would have shattered her more than he had ever wanted to. He shifted their position then, before waving his hands, extinguishing all the candles, helping her mask with darkness those emotions she herself wasn’t realizing were been exposed on her face.

As the both moaned and panted, the heaviness of his body kicked in at that time, and he was forced to slow his movements, barely able to continue, and seriously considered actually, to stop here. She gave that pause another meaning,

“You can call her name you know, if it helps you, I don’t mind!” she had said, frustrated,

He really felt like strangling the woman, instead, he shut her mouth with a kiss, unwilling to hear any other nonsense for the night!

3

Ru Shan Yong entertained a deeper friendship with Feng Xi and even took her in as a strategist. He came back to the manor, busy manufacturing the explosives designed by her. He became really busy and slept little, saw little of Mu Rong An too. She waited a couple of times for him to come to dinner he had been reported. Finally having decent supper at dinner, must she let it go cold? He thought, maybe, for dinner at least, he could try eating with her.

For all he had to say, that person was trying to be friendly. And since things became what they were now, they should at the very least befriend each other. Might help to understand her. Not as the person she was projecting but as the person in front of him. The one who fearlessly told him she would kill his women and children should he so much as humiliate her enough to take more women. It was that stubborn woman who he wanted to know better. At least, knowing what went in her head would help if one day he needed to stop her.

However, under the guise of being truthful, she started being more shameless. What a headache-inducing person! 






THE REST IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION::::///

IT'S A WHOLE MESS DOWN THERE

✧❈✧

From what he knew about her, after their interactions these last years, she had perfected the art of devastating statements delivered in the exact polite tone to wreak the most amount of emotional havoc. She was an expert when it came to barbed words laced with fake innocence. But the way she could, with that soft voice of hers, talk about shameless things with utter lack of shame was amazing! The disparity between her words and her physique left him speechless and way embarrassed for her!

He had been wounded, by his second in command

He could now recognize her anger. It was something that had her eyes narrowed slightly, her smile particularly warm then.

Going back to the capital he proposed, after some time

The whistles that freed him from her clutches.

His thoughts were becoming more and more corrupted these days.

If Hen Ru Ying had always thought

Anger sure was something on this prideful woman.

Let alone the recent blades made, Feng Xi came up with guns. A formidable thing. He had rarely felt so blabbersome and he felt no qualm to impose on her even though she seemed to particularly wished to retire early today.

He unconsciously called Li Ming Qi’s name though. They had had so many nights talking together that it was something of a reflex which, clearly didn’t go unnoticed by his new audience.

She wanted him to call her name. He would have if only she didn’t repeat it with the intensity she did with, her eyes searching his in a sort of questionnement, asking something of him. Something he wasn’t ready to recognize.

She blinked and at its place, there was instead mischief and a sudden determination. His heart skipped a bit, a sensation burning in his bosom that he desperately wanted to squash.

“Call my name,” she kept on saying through the night, and he resolutely kept his mouth shut. If he didn’t say, if he kept his mouth shut then surely it wouldn’t exist. Just like this, being so stubborn about it, he failed to understand the significance of this request for her. The slight despair in the tremor of her voice.

She slept next to him, exhausted yet with a smile tugging her lips.

For the first time he wondered, was she happy? If she could smile so brightly then there was no way she was miserable, right?

“Mu Rong An” he tried tasting her name in a whisper as she joyously slept in bliss. If she should ask for a pet name, was he going to call her Rong’er, An’er, what exactly he wondered a bit, asking some senseless things to the ongoing night?

***

Was he too distracted? He didn’t see the betrayal of his comrades at all. Dear friends, he thought them to be. Mu Rong An came all the way.

He saw the uneasiness on her face as she gazed at Feng Xi, could see it on her face still as he praised that woman. She was bordering anger due to her own lack of confidence. Didn’t seem like her. Had she ever been so self-conscious or did her last rejection left a raw mark? He wondered a bit why she should compare herself with Feng Xi to start with and on what basis exactly she was loosing? Must they be compared?

He suggested her jealousy more as a way to regain control of the conversation and maybe snubbed him and comforted her ego and pride. But instead of refuting, she easily conceded and he felt his heart swell as his hand dragged her to him, his lips finding hers in a kiss, not minding about his wound.

He interrogated them.

She was distracting him from his dark thought and he found himself touching her more and more from his own volition. She was a willing participant.

He wondered a bit if he should really let her be so open about it. But he found that the more she was talking about it, the less, she would really feel mad about it. As though saying it was helping her vent already.

He started to care then, about what she did in her spare time but stop investigating her every move,

“Could it harm me?”

“No”

“Harm her?”

“No.”

“Then there is no need to report it.”

Ru Shan Yong wouldn’t say he trusted her. Not yet, but he was willing to… and he was trying to.

Being by her side was more and more calming even though she was blabbering sometimes.

As he was growing more comfortable, she, she grew uneasy and… fearful. He wondered a bit, was she scared that he would die?

“I won’t die” he wanted to reassure.

Calling her name, he felt her tense under him and that was when he remembered he never uttered those three words to her awoken self. How many times though, had he called her as she laid asleep on his bed, by his side just at arms reach.

And she seemed so desperate for him to call her again.

As he indulged her, letting go of the hold he had, he saw her face. He felt her hands shake as she touched his face, whispering for him to once again call her name. And as this time as tears glimmer behind her eyelid he realized this was her most vulnerable moment and should he so wished, this was the time he could destroy her like she had never been before… but he wouldn’t …couldn’t. Taking the trembling hands, he kissed the middle of her palm. Repeating her name again he saw her face blossomed in a smile. That happiness and joy certainly couldn’t be faked this time, he bent down and took her lips.

As he was readying himself and going he could see that fear expanding.

He was feeling selfish enough to be joyous at the thought that she was scared for him. But he reassured her though.

He had Feng Xi be the captain f her guards.

What was wrong with her being the way she is? If she liked to deceive people with her smile then so be it, if she hated someone then she should have the opportunity to express it. So long as he knew what was really on in his head then it was alright.

Coming back to find her in a burning room wasn’t how he envisioned the reunion.

He was angry with Feng Xi.

And then he had to be told that she lost her child. Their child. Was he so important? Was she really missing someone she never knew? He had seen death maybe too many times to understand the pain of losing someone you never even met. But then he had to see her drawings, could imagine the hours -and days even- spent imagining their child. The gender unknown yet, she drew both a girl and a boy, she wasn’t drawing herself much but inserted him in there, teaching their children.

Was she wanting them to be a family?

Did she think it was her fault it died? He had asked enough to know it wasn’t.

Little by little, she was getting better.

He was a better drinker than her. She let go of her inhibitions the more she drank

A world where she wouldn’t be there? Why did this sound so horrible suddenly?

She was the bashful one.

She was so beautiful.

Did he like her? There was no way he couldn’t.

And then he just had to see her drawing. Him! It was fascinating. The detail she was going to . Even little black. Then she started to peel off his clothing in her drawing to the point where he was completely naked!

Her mouth twitching with everything she wants to tell him as she looks up at him. But in the end, remained silent.

Letting it down he found that it was easy to let her in, to care for her, to pamper her. He felt like she deserved all the pampering in the world.

He wondered now how to righten the relationship between his wife and his friends. For surely, there to be something to do still, to salvage a little bit there. And though he wasn’t willing to see her pick on them, he wasn’t about to ask her to shut up when offended either.

As he stood there and saw his friends coming, that longing he felt each time he saw Li Ming Qi previously was nowhere visible.

“Do you think love is eternal?”

“I believe in working on it to be.”

Did he, Ru Shan Yong, once thought he could be married and to Mu Rong An of all people? Certainly not. But divorcing never enter his mind even after all that. So his dear friend started criticizing that woman, something hard and hot clutched in Ru Shan Yong’s chest. Anger like never before.

Anger seemed to be just the right thing to feel, given the circumstances.

There it was that flawless smile again, that fake one she liked to use before, the one imprinted with anger making her eye curve in that false gentle figure. How angry was she to be able to display it so easily?

“I can play pretend,” she said but he didn’t want her to feel the need to play pretend around him. If it amused her to do so then be it but if she was uncomfortable to the point she needed to mask it under a false smile he really didn’t want to see that.

It was okay to not know each other completely they had a lifetime to do so at their own pace. And if honest, he would want that child to come a little later but seeing her so awaiting of it and fearing for her inability, he wanted it to come soon if only to let her know that nothing was wrong with her.

He learned every inch of her body. His hands move over the curve of her breast, his teeth on the delicate skin of her inner thigh, his wet open mouth on the sensitive spot of her throat.

He allowed her to pull him down for a slow kiss.

And she did become pregnant. She was always sleeping. Her breast had grown more sensitive.

This time he wanted it right for her.

She was all the way to the room refusing to step out, fearsome of anything that may go wrong. He had to teach her how to handle little black to draw her interest enough of the outside.

***

It was something that she herself couldn’t explain. The sight of him irritated her, yet when he wasn’t there she was always looking for him

“-second madam.”

“Sister-in-law.”

Mu Rong An snapped out of her trance and flushed red. Goodness! What was she thinking about in the middle of so many people! He cluelessly came closer to her and she evaded his touch as though it would actually burn her. She smiled and excused herself.

She was fidgety. Transmitted it to him and now he couldn’t stop and it was

Pregnancy quirks, insufferable woman,

“I’m being awful.”

“It’s good you are aware of it yourself.” He said gruffly.

***

Her first pregnancy was different.

She liked sweet, sour and somehow would mix strange things to eat.

Mu Rong An rarely felt ashamed but in front of the weird things she asked for to the cook, she couldn’t help but blush profusely at Ru Shan Yong's intense stare, it didn’t help either, that she was always feeling hot theses days it was almost impossible to cool down!

Feng Xi had written in advance and apparently asked Ah Mei if the news of her pregnancy was verified to help her pass this.

Just because your heart’s desiring stuff all over the place, left and right, doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong going on – cravings during pregnancy do not have to be consistent at all.

***

It was cute at the beginning Now that baby was kicking her all over the place. Wasn’t there a way to let this person sleep?!”

“That child takes after you for sure!”

***

She tends to be angry, and he was the one she was most angry with.

“I don’t want to fight.”

***

“In short words,” he was saying, patting her hands knowing himself that she wouldn’t be pleased.

She said then, bluntly as she knew how to be, “I don’t like him!”

***

As he played with his sword she accompanied him with her zither sound.

Writing on his palm.

***

“Brother, if this continues…”

Ru Ying Yue was trying to let him know about it. It wasn’t impossible for women to die during birth and Mu Rong An’s delivery had been going on for so long already.

Giving birth had been difficult.

It started at night, and prolonged the whole day that followed, until the sky darkened again. If one asked for the description of general Ru, he would be answered that he was a level headed man, fine strategist and excellent leader, a calm person dealing with composure in the most surprising and frustrating situations. However, this very same man couldn’t keep his composure anymore. His face, as he stood in front of the delivering chamber had gone pale, his pacing growing more and more quick and hurried, his hands clenching and unclenching as the cries coming from the room grew fainter but still very much present. The others had long stopped trying to calm him down. In the end, when he could take it no more he finally entered despite the words of the midwives and his family members,

“General, it’s not an auspicious place for men”

“Yong’er what are you doing?”

All those words for him were fade and unheard. The room had a thick smell of blood and as the people present kept on trying to see him out, unwilling to let him pass, he finally, coldly responded,

“Whose house do you think you are in? Let me pass this instant or prepare to bear the consequences!”

In the state he was in, even an army couldn’t chase him out of there. They could only let him pass and continue their task, pretending he wasn’t here. He went to his wife’s side, her hair was disheveled, her face pale.

Meeting his eyes, Mu Rong An, who was biting on the ginseng to add some energy to herself, released a sigh, which in normal circumstances would have certainly been a chuckle. Taking the root out of her mouth, she tried talking,

“What…are”

It was a bit difficult. Another pain hit her and she stopped talking. Her face flushed as she tried pushing, following the instructions the midwives were giving. The general wasn’t planning to obstruct or hinder their way, he just patiently stay by her side and intended to stay all the way through.

What are you doing here? She would have certainly asked or maybe reproached, he thought, taking her hand in his, letting her squeeze as she pleased.

When she paused, to regain her breathing, she seemed so fatigued that he couldn’t help but fear…

She bite the root once more,

“Not a place for men,” she said with difficulty,

From the hands that were still locked together, he intertwined their fingers, and tried smiling to distract her pain,

“You are so frail, you obviously don’t have any strength left, I’m here to share mine,” he squeezed her hand a bit to emphasize his point,

“What… nonsense… again,” she rebuked

However, Mu Rong An still didn’t take her hands out from his and never uttered words to have him go out. Somehow, she thought, she indeed got more spirited to finish the birthing process.

“It’s a girl,” said the midwife, handing the child over to him.

***

“You look terrible,” she smiled at him

“Come, let me see my child.”

***

Pampering her after it.

***

For the second time, he really thought he would lose this woman.

“Say, she is so big now, don’t you think we should give her a little sibling?”

Weighing her life on the balance, he found that it was good to have just one child.

Her lips twitched. How considerate indeed.

The emperor had given one of his sisters to be married to the new king.

In the end, that day, the one who had been most traumatized hadn’t been herself but this man.

It had needed many days of coaxing.

She saw him drink something with herbal scents she asked,

“What is this?”

“Drinking this will prevent the body from … for a time.”

Her lips twitched,

“Aren’t you scared you’ll become impotent?”

“No problem with that.

“I see. Wouldn’t it be more effective if drank by me?”

“Your body is no good, rest more.”

They said small yet frequent meals.

“Why don’t you say you want to fatten me up?”

Well, he did want to see how it would be when she would be all-round and was trying to achieve it maybe a bit quicker this time.

Wait, I can’t catch up, you’re walking too fast. I can’t walk as fast as you.

That’s alright, I will walk as fast as you

 

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