Elder Brother

Description: "Protecting you is what I'm supposed to do as your elder brother. We're family after all. And family always comes first."

For Chang Sun, his elder brother is his everything, he has more respect for that person than for their own father. However, when said brother betrayed his trust and the ugly lies of the past became known, death may just not be enough to avenge his bloodthirst. 

When truth becomes lies and lies become truth, family becomes but just a meaningless word.

Genres: Gender bender, brotherhood, betrayal, family conflicts

1. Five Years Ago

"Any last words?"

Surprise turned into mirth as it downed on him that today was the day he would finally die, and that, at the hand of the person who he had once betrayed.

His sweet and docile brother.

"No" he had answered.

Five years ago.

Even though the night had long fallen and some places were already deep in slumber, the sound of Qin was going on and on seemingly louder with each passing second. It mattered not, however, for this establishment was most active at night and if it wasn’t for the music being played so loudly, ambiguous sounds would be heard instead. 

The Pavillion of Flowers. It wasn’t the first time that his elder brother brought him here, but Chang Shun still couldn’t help the deep flush that marred his face when remembering the meaning behind those noises. 

The first time his elder brother took him here willingly -and not just because Chang Shun was following him around- was a year ago. Upon realizing what kind of place it was, Chang Shun refused to step in.

“Calm down, your brother isn’t planning to corrupt you just yet. This is Miss Hua. The best player of Qin. She sells her skills, not her body. Even if you wanted, she wouldn’t be willing.”

Though he had yet to experience such things himself, it didn't mean he was ignorant of them. He shifted uncomfortably in his place looking at his empty cup then sneaking a peek at the man at the other side of the table. Leaning on the couch with his hair down, face slightly flushed from the alcohol consumption, his elder brother didn't have a dignified air around him at all at this very moment and looked more like those debauched people who liked attending these establishments of pleasure than the eldest young master he was. The person, who was previously gazing heatedly at the playing woman some feet ahead, sensed his brother's gaze and turned to him, a bright smile birthing on his face. A hoarse and loud voice was heard as he opened excitedly,

“Drink, drink, the night is still young,” laughed boisterously Chang Jin, while filling once more the youngster's cup with strong wine. “This is the best wine in the city, let us do it some honor.” While he was saying so, he tipped his head backward and directly help himself from the bottle.

“Elder brother, drinking so much, your body-”

The older one waved his hand unconcernedly, “It’s fine, it’s fine.”

Miss Hua kept on playing her instrument, not minding them. This frequent customer of hers wasn't difficult to please and actually didn't like being entertained at all. Though he would like to be talked to sometimes, most of the time the person only came here to eat, drink and listen to music; no extra activities included. And when his younger brother would come, she was mostly considered part of the background.

Chang Shun looked at the small cup full of transparent liquid in his hand, hesitated a bit, but still, drank it in one motion.

“Good, here another,” said the elder and the younger brother complied.

Chang Shun was sixteen this year, two months younger than Chang Jin. Not much older, really, but he had, for this brother, deep respect. They weren’t borne from the same mother but still, they shared a close relationship since young. Compared to their younger brothers and sisters, the two of them were the closest. Thus, Shun obviously knew then, that every time his brother came to this place, it meant that he wasn’t feeling well. And in these recent months, elder brother Jin came here more and more frequently. It was really a worrying matter.

When they were younger, this elder brother was their father’s favorite, but since that unnamed disease struck him, their father talked less and less to him and instructed him about family affairs even less. This led to the position of Chang Jin being somewhat awkward in the family.

The Chang family was a merchant family. A renowned one and as such, their properties were quite vast. Their father had one main wife and three concubines, though one already died a couple years ago. Everyone used to call Chang Jin the main heir, but they stopped doing so nowadays. Since his twelfth year, Chang Jin would sometimes vomit blood and faint in the middle of walking. In those years, Father Chang had exhausted all physicians of the city to treat him, but no one could, and in the end, it was more like, nowadays, everyone was waiting for him to die. Nonetheless, the child had a strong will to live and no matter which predictions were given by the physicians, he would still open his eyes the next day. That didn’t, however, erase the fact that no one considered him the heir anymore. Instead, the position became a debate between the three youngest sons. In all honesty, Chang Shun wanted none of that and was always trying to remain in the shadows of things. His family was good to him, though his mother died, the main wife never mistreated him; instead, took him under her wing and cared for him as if he was her own son. He had nothing to complain about. More so that he always had a good relationship with his big brother. If becoming heir meant estranging himself from this brother, then he was alright with letting it to others.

Though he thought like that, it was impossible to know other people’s inner hearts. As he gulped down the cups one after another, he didn’t even register when the qin’s player left their room nor that his body was becoming heavier.

“You really, ah,” he heard his brother’s faint whispers, a mixture of laughing and helplessness, before losing consciousness.

He later woke up to the sensation of someone putting clothes on him and as he opened his eyes, he saw his elder brother redressing himself, as he had effectively fastened a belt on his body. Looking down, Chang Shun saw that his modest clothes were changed to one of poor quality, tattered in some places. His hair ornaments weren't in place anymore, instead, his hair had been let loose and he could feel the cold air on his feet. Just where were his shoes?

“You woke up.” It was the voice of his brother.

In front of his kneeling and bound form, stood elegantly his brother who had already clasped his hands behind his back, his cheeks still slightly red, reminiscent of the wine he drank in excess the night before. Chang Jin was smiling, well, it was not quite a smile. A sort of stretch of his lips with no mirth or joy in his eyes whatsoever. It was chilling. “Are you ready for our farewell, my dear brother?”

The voice wasn't hurried, and the person stood patiently as confusion first appeared in Chang Shun's eyes, before realization slowly set in.

Chang Shun felt his heart miss a beat. Even until now, he was ready to lie to himself, ready to believe it if the other said it was a tasteless joke but… was he serious? Then his mind flashed back to all those signs he refused to see, refused to acknowledge as a kind of warning: his new clothes which were always leaving marks on his body to the point of forming wounds, his cleaning tools that had a strange smell and had burned his back, the vandalism of the stores he was in charge of and most recently the horse gifted by his brother going on a rampage and nearly killing him. It wasn’t that Chang Shun never really doubted, it was just that, this person would always be the very first one to come to his rescue concerning everything. Even with that horse, hearing what happened, that brother of his had paled and apologized in a deep bow, before bringing back the horse to sell, not willing for it to remain any longer. In those instances, whatever doubts Chang Shun had disappeared in a flash and he could only feel that in the end, what he was most afraid of, was when this person would bow to him and whisper in that deep apologetic tone: “I have failed you.”

How could the brother who had loved him so much then turn around and be the one wanting his life? There was no way he could accept that this person could ever think of harming him. However, why was the reality something like this? Why were his hands and feet bounded, made to kneel in front of this brother who looked down at him with an expression he had never seen him have before? Where was the one who, in their younger days, swore to always protect him until the day they died? Didn’t he emphasize then that it was the role of an elder brother?

“Why?” he asked hoarsely, the corners of his eyes stinging.

“Why? I supposed the direct reason would be that you’ve gotten Master Lin and Master Feng’s admirations and recommendations.”

Those were two hard-to-deal-with clients, they were old-fashioned and weren’t easy to bend when making new clothes. Last month, Chang Shun managed to have them both buy an enormous quantity of new materials though only...

“I… they bought from your stores!”

Indeed, he had convinced them to purchase the clothes that his elder brother had personally designed! Then why was he angry?

Master Chang had, since long ago, decided that his heir would be the one who knew how to manage his own stores well. So, for his four sons, he gave each one a couple of stores to manage. Though the master said so, no one really knew when the official date would be closed for that chosen position. Chang Jin had been given clothing stores while Chang Shun had been in charge of antique sales.

“And what a busybody you are... They refuse to meet with me while they were actually easily convinced by you. I think that that must be the reason: your talent.”

Tears were rolling down Chang Shun’s cheeks. He only wanted to help, why was his brother jealous of that?

At the sight of his crying form, Chang Jin frowned and said, with a hint of disdain,

“You look like your mother like this, she too liked to cry…” He looked absently at his kneeling brother, “even that woman too, liked to cry." Then a sneer appeared on his face, "Actually, all those women in the residence do, aren’t tears their favorite weapon? Are you a woman?”

Chang Shun bit his lower lip, but his tears still kept on falling. He knew, however, that from small to now, what his brother had always hated were tears. Youngers, when he would cry in front of him, his brother would be helpless and try every means to coax him, trying by all means to deal with the origin of his tears, and then said "Here, you have no more reasons to cry, right?" and when Chang Jin couldn't, then he would avoid his crying brother until the later calmed down. Fearing to be avoided, Chang Shun resolutely stopped crying.

Seeing that the other person was still crying no matter what, Chang Jin simply turned around, unwilling to see that tear-stained face and a sob seemed to escape Chang Shun's lips at this. Chang Jin froze but when he turned around the other's tears had actually doubled! He provoked then,

“You could have actually been her son with how easy you are to cry like this." He seemed incensed by his own words, his expression worsening, "You like calling her mother, don’t you? What if I tell you the one who actually killed your beautiful birth mother was the woman you have spent your whole life calling mother…" Unwilling to look anymore he turned around, "Shouting left and right, mother this, mother that, I wonder how many times your concubine mother turned around in her coffin. Such a filial son you are. Worshipping the very grounds her murderer walks on"

“You’re lying,” came the roar behind him, and Chang Jin turned to a face of fury now, though the eyes were still red. He seemed to appreciate this more, and crouched down to talk,

“Why would I? Did you know that you weren’t even Father’s child? Such a shameful affair, your death will only help conceal it. It’s better for our businesses, don’t you think? That’s what you owe the Chang family for feeding you all these years, after all.”

Chang Jin patted his brother’s cheek, almost affectionately, like in the old days,

“My pitiful second brother. Being so ignorant at your age is truly too shameful. You can thank me in the afterlife. Farewell.” Then he turned to the door while he was getting up, “Enter.”

Two burly men entered the place.

“Take him away and do what must be done. Be swift about it and should you fail, you will pay with your lives.”

Talking until here, he turned to the door and started to go, leaving his brother shouting at his departing form,

“Elder brother, you can’t. Elder brother! Elder brother!”

But the men who were restraining him gagged him and only groans could escape. From start to finish, his favorite brother didn’t turn to see him, didn’t heed him, and just exit the room. A cold sword pierced through his stomach, hot blood warming his clothes while his body was going cold. In a state of semi-consciousness, Chang Shun felt his body being moved and later being dumped unceremoniously.

Was he going to die here? Was he, really?

***

What could have happened to his brother? It hadn’t always been like that, it really hadn’t!

The brother in his memory was kind, gentle, laughing, and always looking out for him.

When they were younger who was the one holding his hand as he was scared of sleeping alone? Who was the one smacking those children who liked to mock his dark skin? How could that person bear to hurt him so? It was impossible, impossible.

However, as he woke up in a daze, his stomach bandaged but still pulsating with pain, he knew that it was not a nightmare at all. It was the frightening reality.

When did the lies start? At which point? When did that sincere concern become deceptive lies meant to fool him?

Chang Shun was unwilling!

An elder man entered the shabby room he was in then. He had awoken for a time now, to find himself in this place he couldn't recognize and his gaze met with the old man who was tending to his wounds. The person introduced himself as a retired physician named Yun.

“You’re quite lucky, young man," he had said, "who knew I would encounter someone when taking a walk at night?”

The old person seemed to like talking and started a lengthy explanation about how he found Chang Shun and even the position he was in. But from start to finish, the only person in the room with him didn't pay attention to his words at all, making him sigh in disappointment. What agony to be old and have no one to talk to! Really, youngsters these days, it was fine to not respond but won't he start giving his thanks anytime soon? Did he think it easy to bring him back here! 

No matter his dissatisfaction, his audience was simply in a state of shock for now.

Grumbling, the old physician left the room, only to come back shortly afterward with more medication to give and a bowl of porridge,

"Do you feel better?" he asked while putting another bandage in place of the dirtied first.

But his unexpected guest didn't pay attention to the man at all, and now out of his reveries, he was silently shedding tears with tightened fists, lips bit harshly to prevent any kind of sounds from escaping.

“What are you crying for? Aren’t you a man? No matter the struggles you mustn't cry!"

Chang Sun silently wiped with tears though they streamed down his cheeks still. Scaldingly hot and unending. The elder sighed and tried to comfort him,

"Crying helps the soul too, so it's alright."

"..."

The silence really wasn't something this old person liked. He nudged the bowl of food closer to Chang Shun and uttered.

"Tell this old man what ails your mind. It eased the soul too."

“... I"

"Come on, after all the efforts I put into helping you, you can satiate my curiosity a bit. Life is ever so boring around here."

"Mother... The person I liked like my own mother turned out to be my mother's murderer and... not long ago, elder brother... no, her son tried to kill me."

The elder's eyes seemed to shine, 

“Ah... is it about revenge then? Then do you want to avenge yourself?”

“Revenge?”

"Why not?" He took the bowl he had and directly put it in Chang Shun's hands, "You eat and think of ways. Wallowing and crying won't do much good."

The old man's face had a suspiciously happy smile as he uttered those words.

***

The city was still shaken. There had been a blazing fire and the second young master of House Chang perished from it. It was said that the young man had been trapped, unable to find a way out. No one could rescue him as the fire devoured everything until the last piece of wood of the big store turned to ashes. The disaster occurred at night when the second young master was doing a checkup. By the morning, only his carcineretid corpse could be collected by the family. The first master had gone crazy from the news and the day of the funeral, after drinking until oblivion, he had closed himself in the second master’s courtyard, ready to set everything ablaze, wishing to follow his junior. It was only when his mother came and begged him to reconsider, ready to die with him if he was stubborn enough to follow through with his plans, that the first young master calmed down, crying buckets in his mother’s arms. The servants could only hear in sobs, his hoarse voice complained,

“He isn’t here anymore. No one… I have no one anymore… Shun’er… Shun’er is gone. I am all alone.”

Mother Mei gently patted his back as she hugged his kneeling form, she herself kneeling too,

“Shh, Mother is here. Will always be. Mother is here for you, Jin'er”

The young man kept on sobbing, silently, hugging his mother tighter.

One died and the other hurriedly wished to follow, such a bond between brothers who don’t even share the same mother, people could only sigh. They were really, really close.

2. The Distant Colours Of Love

He was once more in that district, drinking in that same room he liked to reserve and hearing the same sound of qin from Miss Hua. Chang Jin had a sort of melancholia written on his face, having long stopped smiling when he came here. Indeed, he couldn't smile anymore. His unbridled and carefree manners, those boisterous laughs and lengthy tirades he could only express when coming to this place previously, nowadays, could no longer be found. He was too lonely for that. Was it five years already? It seemed so, he already was twenty-one after all and today, so would have been Chang Shun. The corners of his lips lifted a little. It was better this way.

***

It was only when the sun was hung high in the sky that Chang Jin came back home, the bags under his eyes dark, not having gotten more sleep in the pavilion of flowers than at home. The only convenience, at the very least, was that food there wouldn't have him throwing up blood. 

In five years' time, he grew skinnier, bonnier, and his 'illness' didn't get better at all. Yet he was still very much alive to the disappointment of his family. Rumors were going wild outside about the debauched first master of House Chang whose business crashed due to negligence and who only knew how to drink and play with women. Chang Jin, aware of what was being said about it, didn't bat an eye at it at all, and neither did he change his lifestyle.

His mother tried to appeal to him, and his father scolded him until his voice was hoarse but at the end of the day, all these fell on deaf ears and no matter which restrictions they exert to prevent him from leaving the house, he would always find his ways to the pavilion of flowers and to Miss Hua's soft voice who would sometimes help him to catch some sleep. God knew his body needed that.

Upon arriving at the gates, for a change, the servants who usually ignored him actually came forward to salute him. Despite their reverence, Chang Jin could still see the disdain in their eyes. He ignored it, way too lazy to care.

"First young master, Master Chang is summoning you." The young man said.

His father summoning him? Right now? For what?

He yawned and continued his road, offhandedly saying, "I'm too sleepy, not going." Either way, as it was, his father was already displeased with him, no matter what, the situation couldn't be worse. He rather not listen to any more curses and admonishments as it was.

Though he was really prepared to return to his courtyard and ingest some sleeping pills, he was still rudely stopped once more by the servant who rapidly caught up to him and stood in front of him, blocking his path, 

"Master has expressed that today's matter is of great importance and your presence, once you're back, is very much required."

Chang Jin clicked his tongue and considered the possibility of forcing his way to his own courtyard. Younger, he had been very proficient in martial arts but his sickness forced him to stop the practice. Now, looking at this robust servant in front of him and comparing him to his own skeletal body, he couldn’t really be sure of his ability to win without damage.

“Lead the way.” He finally settled for, displeasure lacing his voice.

Following the servant, he found himself in the main hall of the residence and not waiting to be announced, directly helped himself inside. Apparently, he was the only missing member of the family that wasn’t here yet to this meeting.

Upon entering, he saw the joy on his younger brother, Chang Cheng’s face as well as his mother’s. Concubine Xie was smiling too, but, clearly, she was frustrated. Her son, Chang Xing, wasn’t even trying to hide his displeasure and his words were protesting,

“How can that be, Father? My stores were clearly the ones with the most revenue. Do consider again.”

With a tone of finality, Father Chang said, “My decision is final.”

At that moment, concubine Xie happened to see the standing at the door Chang Jing and he served as an outlet for her anger,

“Great first young master finally deigned to honor us with his presence, how can that be? Is it that, now the result was to be announced, First young master had the time to come back? A pity it has already been given.”

Thrust into the spotlight, he didn’t have much of a reaction and rather observed that of the others. There was ridicule in concubine Xie’s eyes, Chang Cheng seemed to be annoyed with his appearance, Chang Xing didn’t even put him in his eyes, and his father was so angry to see him that he was breathing loudly while his mother was the only one who smiled softly at him, welcoming him back in her gentle voice.

Ignoring the concubine -which made the latter seethe with rage,- he saluted his father and mother before his mother got up and made him sit next to her, taking his hands in hers, asking him how he was feeling while at the same time ordering for her servants to bring in his medicinal soup.

Chang Jin caressed her hands back, smiling softly at her too. He heard, without seeing, Cheng clicked his tongue in displeasure. Although they were born from the same mother, they never really had a peaceful conversation and this younger brother of his liked to pretend he didn't exist. Their two years apart meant nothing for this young man and there had never been a thread of respect while he talked to his elder. It was even worse with Xing who was, though, three years younger than him.

“Good, good! Besides messing with girls, is there anything you know!” roared Father Chang.

Chang Jin paused in his movement, his mother gripped his hands gently before he patted the back of her hands in a reassuring gesture. Without lifting his head, he reminded,

“Wasn’t it Father who said that I shouldn’t touch matters related to the stores years ago?”

Indeed, it had been so. Shortly after Chang Shun's death, a robbery occurred in the first master’s principal store and priceless things disappeared overnight. Father Chang who was waiting for an opportunity to take those stores back, used it as an excuse, accused Chang Jin of negligence and divided Chang Jin’s store between his other two sons: Chang Cheng and Chang Xing.

“You dare talk back now?! Mei Ren look at the good thing you raise!”

“Master calm down, think of your body. First young master is just momentarily muddled by second young master's Shun’s death,” soothed concubine Xie.

If she didn’t talk it would have been better but now Father Chang blows his top.

“Momentarily? When wasn’t he like this, ah! Chang Shun’s death? Wasn’t he my son too! Don’t I grieve? Wasn’t he everyone’s brother here? Do you see Xing’er and Cheng’er acting like that!”

Madam Mei, who had always had a way to make her husband’s anger receded after skillfully using his profound link with the dead Chang Shun couldn’t do it anymore. Concubine Xie had said her words deliberately to prevent her from doing so.

“Husband, don’t be angry,” she tried anyway-

But Father Chang wasn’t willing to wait and angrily left, not even bothering to listen. Concubine Xie gloated and left, her son following behind. There were now only Mother Mei and her two sons in the room.

“You should have just stayed where you were, what did you come back here for?”

“Cheng!” scolded Madam Mei, “Apologize this instant, what happened to you?”

But the other didn’t care.

“Mother I am leaving first” he said before exiting the room too.

“This child really,” she sighed concernedly.

Chang Jin just smiled. It seemed that for Chang Cheng he was even more of a nuisance than before. After all, having this kind of wastrel as a brother really wasn’t doing him any good, rather it only served to tarnish his reputation and that of the family.

“What happened?”

Mother Mei had a troubled expression.

“…That… don’t be angry... Your father said that his successor would be Cheng’er.”

Jin laughed lightly, “What’s there to be angry about? Hadn’t I always known I wouldn’t be chosen? It’s good that it’s him. He has a quick grasp of the situation and isn’t as impulsive as Xing who only cared for the highest price out of a deal. Cheng made long-lasting contracts this year and brought many new clients. Really a good choice.”

Now that this person was the successor, would he persuade their father to send him far away? Jin had heard the boy discuss this with their mother some months ago but she had managed to placate him at the time. Now what?

Jin stared at the medicinal concoction his mother’s servant just brought before grasping his mother’s hands in his, looking intently at her.

“Are you happy?” He asked with a smile.

“En” the older woman acknowledged, “very happy.”

“That’s good.”

She slowly retracted her hand and took the bowl to feed him personally, “But if you start to care a bit about yourself too, I will be happier. You really can’t keep up like that. Your father is already so angry. Who knows if tomorrow he won’t chase you if you continue. So be good from now on, for Mother.”

Jin took the bowl from her and drank in one trait, not responding. It could be taken as him not agreeing. His mother sighed again, in disappointment, before patting his hand, saying softly, “Jin” she muttered, “Mother had really wronged you. But now, let Mother take care of you, alright?”

“Mother needs not to worry too much. I am taking my leave now.”

As he left the room, the smile he harbored previously died and as he touched his lips, he wondered why exactly he felt that sense of disappointment that shouldn’t be here. Obviously, he had long known it but… he couldn’t have helped himself wishing even if it was just for a bit.

***

Chang Jin’s courtyard wasn’t worse than that of the two other young masters of the house. His mother had seen to it that his father didn’t mistreat him. However, there were barely any servants around. The first young master himself didn’t want them anywhere near him, so they only came to clean, provide food, take away the plates, or when they were called. Jin directly went to his bedroom, though tired, he was unable to sleep and start looking around for his sleeping pills. Beside the bottle of sleeping pills, there was another one, half full. He clicked his tongue remembering that they couldn’t be used both at the same time. He had to wait at least four hours after ingesting one to ingest the second. Thus, he put the second pill in his mouth and went to bed. Though he knew sleep certainly wouldn’t come, he still went under the blanket and willed it. He tossed and turned for almost two hours before getting up and leaving once more.

He hadn’t really had any destination in mind, just felt suffocate at home. His feet took him to the graveyard and in the end, he advanced where his brother’s stale was.

For everyone not in the known, five years ago, this younger brother died, calcinate in his store. The man had shouted at the top of his lungs as he burned but he couldn’t be helped, trapped in the sea of fire, people had been unable to save him and could only present a thoroughly burned body to his family.

Jin caressed the name on the stale, another sigh escaping his lips. In this world, the only person who had really been a brother to him had certainly been this little one. Was it selfish to say that he missed him dearly?

Unbeknown to him, there was a shadow behind him that was looking at his back with eyes glazing with fury, breath seething with hatred.

***

In five years, Chang Shun had had the time to change. He had started with his name, taking the old physician’s family name, which also coincided to be his birth mother’s name, thus he became Luo Shun.

Luo Shun was very different from Chang Shun. He didn’t cry, didn’t stupidly laugh with anyone and most certainly never said anything as disgusting as ‘elder brother is the best’.

Hiding from eyesight, he thought long and hard about how to make those who made him suffer pay. Old Luo was very enthusiastic about helping him and while hiding him and nourishing him back to health, the old man also taught him about the art of poison. He was, apparently, much more proficient in it than in being a physician.

And so, since he left the city with the old man five years back -when he had been strong enough to travel after his wound- it was his first time coming back. He had come to the graveyard to pay respect to his mother and to strengthen his resolution. Who would have thought that he would meet with the person he had come to hate the most?

Though he had been injured at that time, the old physician had helped him inquire around. Naïve as he was, he had thought to let his father know about the misdeeds of Chang jin and helped him. But Chang Jin was very swift and before he knew it, the news of his death was all over the city and even a corpse had been found. His family thought they buried the real second young master thus for him, there was no place to go back to anymore. There was no way Chang Jin hadn’t known he had escaped that night. It could only be said that he did it so that Shun couldn’t stand in front of his father. Suspicious as the man was, even if his own son was right in front, he would still say it was a scammer. With how things were, there was certainly no one who would be vouching for him, certainly not that dear mother of his. 

The old physician reminded him that maybe it was better to make himself forgotten for a time. Since he had made such a bold move, that first young master had certainly prepared assassins for him. They better leave the city first. So they did.

It was in those tough days of seeing his own funeral procession that Shun finally conceded to the physician’s words and nursed a thirst for revenge. For five years, it had been his driving force.

***

Chang Jin stayed in front of the grave for a time, before turning his heels and… considering things, he returned to the Pavilion of Flowers. Even though his father forcibly took away his stores to distribute and even distribute Shun’s stores, Jin’s wasn’t out of the means to have money. He had some dealings outside known by only him and his mother who was also eager to give him money without even needing to ask her.

He once more asked for Miss Hua. However, he was told that she was sleeping at the moment. After all, she had accompanied him all night long. The manager asked if he could recommend another woman, but Jin just waved him away, ordering a room and just some old wine to keep him company.

With the passing of time, everyone within the pavilion started wondering if the first young master Chang would buy away Miss Hua’s freedom. Such devotion he had for her, more than six years already, they just couldn’t help but talk about it. Still, even today, nothing of the sort happened.

Once the wine was here, as he was prepared to drink, Jin vaguely remembered his little brother’s nagging about drinking on an empty stomach. He smiled lightly, before ordering food as well.

Recently, he was fighting to keep the things he ate down for most of the time, he would find himself throwing them up right away. So Jin ate slowly but halfway through his bowl, he frowned. He was feeling fainter and fainter.

The door to his room opened and a man wearing all black came to sit in front of him. Upon recognizing his face, Chang Jin’s eyes widened in disbelief. That reaction seemed to satisfy the newcomer, as he bent down and filled the empty cup with wine.

“Long time no see elder brother, I trust you've been well.”

The voice was more mature but without a doubt, it was really Chang Shun!

Jin’s bowl broke as he unconsciously knocked it down while backing away, seemingly stricken with disbelief.

“You! How can you be here!”

“What is wrong? One would think you’ve seen a ghost.” Shun laughed.

Jin who had gotten up felt his feet give away under his weight and as he fell, his gaze never left  Shun.

“Is it you?” His brain geared rapidly and he looked at his food, “You drugged me.” It wasn't a question but a certainty.

There was no intention of denial in Luo Shun, “The same one you used on me five years ago.”

Jin’s eyelids were already heavy. Realization dawned on him. He couldn't help but mumble softly, “Are you going to kill me?”

"What do you think?"

Jin stared for a while before his eyes reflected something akin to acceptance,

"I think...", he smiled, fighting the urge to sleep, each word coming more and more soft and slurred, almost indistinguishable "You've grown up into a dashing young man." He finished in a whisper and finally couldn’t control his body anymore, dropping unconscious.

3. The Puppet Meant To Die

When Chang Jin regained consciousness, the first thing of his surroundings he became aware of, was the sound of voices, males, two people seemingly arguing. They weren’t shouting but it wasn’t really a peaceful conversation either. Without opening his eyes, he perked his ears to listen, trying not to influence his breath too much, not wanting them to realize he had already awakened. The voices were familiar, he didn’t need to open his eyes to recognize them.

“-words.”

“What words! I was talking nonsense and you listened? Couldn’t you hear all those instances I talked about hearing him out first!”

“What’s there to hear? Just a pill and he would be speaking the truth for the rest of his life. I find it very much fitting for the likes of him.”

Hearing that, old physician Luo was so angry that he pushed the other outside on a useless errand while saying that he would first check their prisoner’s condition.

Once confirming that Shun was truly gone, Jin opened his eyes and tried sitting, but found that his hands were bound behind his back. Trying his best, he shifted his position to be able to see the person who just entered the room that was dimly lit by the sun through the half-opened windows. One glance and he recognized the one in front of him.

What kind of scammer was this! Money was taken yet the transaction wasn't accomplished! Jin glowered at him, he said bitingly, huffing and puffing,

“Good, you’re so very good Luo Zhang! That's how you do business!" He whisperingly roared. "He's alive and kicking!"

At the very least, the other had some semblance of shame across his features though it didn't last, 

"Well, he isn't one to stay dead." He replied in a barely audible voice, not expecting that the reunion with this patron would be under these circumstances.

Jin had a mocking smile and a sneer form on his face, listening to the utter rubbish that the man didn't even try to make into a plausible story. The idea that the other man messed up his painstakingly prepared plan for his own amusement rang like a certainty to him. If he could, he would strangle this old fool with his own hands! So angry was he that he ended up saying something, that had Luo Shun been here, would have him thinking,

"Even taking my brother as your gameplay, bored enough to teach him nonsense!”

The old man scowled then, his temper picking its ugly head,

“What nonsense? Receiving my teachings, do you know how many would dream of it? Though I didn’t expect thanks, I didn’t expect insults either! Such insolence, if it’s like that, I won’t free you!”

Saying this, he huffed and sat down far from the chained Jin, turning his head, and pouting like a child. If he could, Chang Jin would bite his head off!

“Luo Zhang!” Jin gnashed his teeth, “We had a deal, what did you bring him back here for!”

“So we did.” Acknowledged the old man, “And if you didn’t see, your dearest brother is as good as new and he didn’t lose any hair on his body, did he? What are you dissatisfied with? I’m to protect him, not jail him. His two legs grow on his own body and he is the master who chose where they take him to. What? Want me to break them and stop him from moving around?”

Jin was seething with rage.

“How can you do business like this?”

“Young master, it’s been five years, don’t you think that that paltry sum has already dried up since?”

Jin was so angry that he laughed. “Paltry sum! Good, very good. Shun’er money from his stores and mine, which is it that can’t permit a family to leave comfortably for a few decades? And you had both! Dare say it isn’t enough!”

“You’re stingy!”

Jin huffed. In the end, old Luo helped him remove his bounds. Massaging his sore wrists, the young master sat down, a frown on his face still,

“What have you been telling him, his eyes were so-”

“terrifying? Scary? You did it to him yourself!” Interrupted the old physician, quick to defend himself.

Jin gulped back the reproaches he was about to hurl, unable to find the correct words for a time. Luo Zhang didn't let him that respite though,

“His beloved brother plotted to have him killed. Did you really think that when meeting again he would laugh and toast to your long life?”

After a moment of silence, Jin opened again, “he was supposed to start anew somewhere else. With his temperament, he would have closed up everything that happened here and never wished to come back. Forgetting everything, never wishing to remember… Why didn't he? Why did he rather..." The young man frowned and then looked at the older person who was avoiding his eyes, suddenly understanding. His first conjecture was the correct one and this old fox was just trying to dupe him! "It was you, wasn’t it? You goaded him!” He whispered-yelled.

“I just proposed that path and he took it. It was obviously his choice."

"It was not. You took him for your puppet, even teaching him about poison." Jin narrowed his eyes, menacing, "My brother is not your jianghu disciple."

The old man's expression was calm, unimpressed, a great contrast to his usual childishness,

"Aren’t you quite selfish, single-mindedly choosing what’s good for him or not? Doesn’t he have a say?”

Jin sighed frustrated, “…You said you wouldn’t intervene.”

“I wasn’t planning to… until I saw him. He let me remember things from my past."

"Nothing good then."

"You aren’t helping him. You’re slowly killing him. The pillar of his life betrayed him this way… You are simply underestimating your value in his eyes.”

“That important?” Jin didn’t know if he was sad or happy. Old Luo doused those feelings with cold water,

“For now, he’s dancing with the thought of killing you.”

Jin started coughing, blood appearing at the corner of his mouth. The old man took his wrist to examine, frowning deeply.

“How did you become such a mess again? Those pills I made for you, did you think they were decorations!”

Angry, he got up and started rummaging through the room, looking for something.

Tiredly, Jin said, “You really shouldn’t have brought him back here.”

“He’s already here, might as well stay and uncover the whole truth.”

“You’re enjoying it, aren’t you?”

“Who knows? Ah, here they are" he exclaimed, taking the small box in his hands and going back to sit in front of Jin. As he opened the box and took out the golden needles, he commented seemingly offhandedly, "I heard you played with fire when I wasn’t looking.”

"... I didn't. The fire wasn't even lit."

"I already told you, should someone die, it's obviously not supposed to be you!"

Jin merely smiled, frustrating the old man to the core. At that time, Chang Jin really wished to die. He remembered the feeling all too well even now and most of all the desperation of the time hadn't left him until today. Then, in the middle of his brother’s possessions, he was really at ease, ready to leave the world like that.

Old Luo’s face became black as he checked the young man's body more carefully. “How come there is more poison now? Are you stupid, always eating what that woman is giving you!” He roared.

“… ‘You’re my pride’ she said to me”

The old man sighed heavily.

“And you’ll die for lies like that! What is your brain made of? Are you a dog, wagging your tail for other's to admire no matter how many times you're kicked?”

“I thought, as long as Cheng inherited, then it would be the end of it. Somehow.”

“It would end with your death, you stupid idle person! Haven't I already told you this? Take off your clothes and lie down, I'll try to ease the damages!”

Jin sighed, obediently turning around, took off his upped clothes, and when there was nothing left but his chest bandages, he laid down, muttering to himself, “And what a death it would be.”

Old Luo grumbled as he massaged him, before thrusting needles in his body, black matter oozing from it.

Jin frowned from the discomfort, asking, “What are Shun’er’s plans? Is he going against the whole of Chang’s family?”

“His mother died killed by yours, his father’s died killed by yours and he thought he would have died by your hands hadn’t he been lucky. You tell me, in his position, what were you going to do?”

Jin sighed. “Who asked you to tell him about his father?”

“I didn’t, he looked through things like the big boy he is!”

“Really, he had the opportunity to live such a peaceful life, why give it away.”

Old Luo smacked his back, “What opportunity! Your selfish move? Don't talk, I don't want to listen to your nonsense anymore!”

Jin stayed silent, while Old Luo continued his administration.

Chang Jin had met this person when he was fourteen, almost fifteen. That was when most of the truths around him started to be deciphered by him one by one. The man was a poison master of the jianghu, who was living in secrecy in the city under the guise of a retired physician. At the time, his personae had yet to retire, and, Chang Jin, who had had a breakdown while at the market, was brought to his place by the passersby. Far from the residence’s physicians, he finally learned the nature of his sickness. What illness? He had just been poisoned with a slow-acting poison and by the looks of things, he had been ingesting that for years, had he been told.

Jin’s first reaction had been ecstasy. After all, there was finally a possibility to recover. After that, thinking deeper, his joy died. To have the ability to poison him and masked it as illness, buying every one of the physicians brought to the family for so long, there was no way the person didn’t have high authority in the family. The first young master became suspicious of everyone and started eating at the Pavilion of Flowers. He investigated things for a long time. The more truths he was uncovering, the sadder he became and, for a while, had nursed the idea of taking his own life, disgusted to the core. He really couldn't understand. What had he done wrong? Hadn't he been obedient enough? Hadn't he always done exactly what was expected of him? Why such treatment? 

Why must it be her? 

Out of everyone, why his own mother? 

He could have taken it if it was everyone else... just not her. He would have preferred it ten times if it had been the handiwork of his father's concubines or their children or even if it was his father himself because he had finally learned about the shameful secret of his birth. Why was reality so different?

Chang Jin's first real memory was that of a crying woman. His mother, at the time, liked to cry a lot. She was still a concubine in those years and his father only had two women in his rear court: his mother, Mei Ren, and Chang Shun's mother, Luo Qing.

Actually, if the matter was left to his father's choice, Father Chang certainly would have not married Mei Ren, or maybe not that year. It had been an arrangement made between the families without his consent, one that he couldn’t extricate himself from and in the end, instead of the position of the main wife like planned, after heated disputes with his family, he finally married Mei Ren as a concubine. Later, he married the woman he was really in love with. However, under the pressure of his family, he couldn't give her the main wife's position and could only marry her as a concubine as well.

Marrying another just a couple of weeks after the first woman. For Mei Ren, such an act was a deep provocation that humiliated her a lot. But she wasn't a vulgar woman and knew better than to display her anger like a fisherman's wife. Instead, she thrived hard to give birth to a boy. Chang Jin. The first young master.

How much had Chang Jin come to hate this identity?

“You’re the young master of the house, the eldest son.” Using that excuse, what was it that Jin hadn’t been forced to do? He couldn’t play, couldn’t do anything without it being tossed to his face. He even had to turn into a man. Indeed, biologically stating, Chang Jin had always been a woman. However, this person had never considered herself as such. How could she? She never knew the meaning of it. Younger, she simply didn’t know the difference. But later, it just didn't matter. How could it, when her mother almost killed her just to make her the first young master? 

At the time, the two wives fell pregnant almost at the same time, and quite quickly, for merely seven months after their wedding they already ushered in babies. 

Some weeks before the delivery, Luo Qing had an alarm and it was speculated she was going to give birth earlier than the due date. Mei Ren was unreconciled. Thus, that woman, to make sure she was the one who was going to be the mother of the eldest son, Mei Ren took something to provoke an earlier birth, risking the life of her unborn child in the process. Knowing that she gave birth to a daughter instead of the boy she dreamed of didn't deter her at all. The joy of knowing she had successfully given birth before the other concubine was far greater and concerning the child's gender, she simply lied to the world and made sure to keep everyone who knew about it quiet. Killing the midwives and only letting her loyal servants in the know.

Using the child's prematurity as an excuse to hide him until he could grow stronger, she let the baby grow up, closely by her side, surveying his every movement, every word. It wasn't like the child would go around naked, so the secret stayed well hidden all through the years and the mother's fears of being found out diminished with each passing day. And either way, the master of the house spent long days outside his residence in order to stabilize his own affairs thus the women were left to their own devices.

The second concubine, who had a false alarm of premature birth after a shock, in the end, safely gave birth two months later. A boy. Learning of the child's gender, the first wife was happy with her play. In the absence of the main wife, the one who was going to inherit would most certainly be the first son. Confident with her dupery, she guarded her child well until his third year, never letting him out of sight. Meanwhile, she kept on plotting to harm the child of the second concubine.

The rest is under construction!!! 

Tears were certainly what she hated the most. Mostly because it was her mother’s favorite weapon.

At four, he really had been roughly handled. Fearing that her child would somehow turn coquettish, Mei Ren made sure to let her learn about martial arts so that her fingers could grow calluses. Everything could be done to her, as long as no feminine traits of Jin could appear.

When Father Shun once said that her voice sounded weird, not long later, she caught a strange sickness and for days she couldn’t speak for her throat hurt too much. After recovering a bit, her voice was hoarse like that of an elder person, and even now, her voice was unpleasant to hear.

When she officially met that second child her mother talked about, she had been six and still didn’t know the meaning of being a boy.

He heard a familiar voice make an unfamiliar sound

Bruising her hand, stuffing her and forcing her to work hard so that her figure wouldn’t be as a woman at all, damaging her throat and later damaging her health. This good mother of hers had indeed loved her more than enough, hadn’t she?

However, she hadn’t always known that the one poisoning her was her own mother. She had suspected everyone in the house actually, even her dear second brother, everyone but her mother. And why should she suspect the person who was always repeating how grateful she was to her? Always crying to her about how much she had wronged her but still asking her to bear with it?

"Mother wronged you, but bear with it for a while more, Mother will correct everything you'll see."

But since she had her second son -though in truth he was actually her first son- her mother changed towards her. Less caring, curter in her words, and didn't like that Jin tried to be closed with her own brother.

What kind of arrangement was Jin really waiting for wasn't really important, the very fact that her mother cared and the fact that they shared this secret, somehow, she thought, no one could be closer to her than her mother? That was before the ugly truth reared its head.

“How am I different from them?”

4. To A Long Life And Bright Future

"Is it poisoned?"

"It doesn't matter to me! I want you to live! Who cares about other things!"

5. Luo Zhang

Looking at the laughing Luo Shun, the old man thought, it didn't matter if it was never found that he was his grandfather, so long as this child could keep on being happy then it was all that mattered.