Chapter 2: Repressed self

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Her brother was sitting by her side but was talking to her as though she was another person, it was really perplexing.

“Let me look at a mirror,” she interrupted him.

She saw him froze before he laughed. There was no mirth in his eyes though, merrily anger.

"You're still narcissistic even now!"

Yin Luo Xue’s face was so red and puffy. Yin Zheng Zhen for once didn’t know where to start to explain things and she didn't know how to talk to this person who was unwilling to hear her out. She herself wasn’t sure she knew what happened. No, she absolutely didn’t know. There was a growing fear in her that was threatening to consume her and make her insane; she was doing her all to reign it in. She just had to regain control of things. Her emotion was as good a starter as any.

“I already told you Bai Shan, the contract is over. What were you doing in the city still? And how did you met with my sister!”

Contract? What was he even talking about!

His phone rang and he got up to take it outside, leaving her alone. Slowly, Yin Zheng Zhen got out of her bed and walked to the toilet on the right side of the room. Opening it, she saw that there was indeed a mirror by the sink. Her heart thumping, she approached. Lifting her head, even though she more or less was prepared for what she was going to see, the shock still made her take two steps back, before gathering herself and approaching to look closer.

No matter which angle she looked, this was really the same face as the one on the photo those months ago. This was without a doubt Bai Shan's face. Hands trembling, Yin Zheng Zhen tried to take it off, hoping against hope that it was some sort of mask. But no matter what she did, it wouldn't come out!

To her horror, she was really in Bai Shan's body!

***

"You really know how to take your time! I have been calling you nonstop for an hour!" 

Yin Luo Xue was particularly angry at the person on the other side of the line. Seeing that he was shouting, he lowered his voice, unwilling to prolong the conversation, he cut short the other party's excuses, "my sister died tonight." Without adding anything else, he cut off the line.

Hands trembling, eyes moist once again, he put the phone back in his pocket.

After they announced to him that she died on the operation table, Yin Luo Xue could only force his way to the morgue where she laid and kneeled, crying by her side. She seemed to be merrily sleeping, her face, despite the wounds, was so peaceful; but no matter how much he shook her, she refused to wake up. She was just a corpse now! Horror struck at him as he had realized that while he was fooling around with the one he just got a call from, his sister was slowly losing her life down that cliff trapped in her own car! How much time did she spend there, while the rescue was trying to figure out how to get her out? Could she had been saved, had they been quicker?

What were her last thoughts? Did she suffer? Did she try to call? 

There was always a fear in him that she would track him down using his phone, so everytime he was in Qian Xun’s place, he would deliberately let it back at his apartment. However, once he got there this afternoon, he found so many missing calls. It was ringing nonstop still. A the time it was the hospital calling for his fiancé, Bai Shan, having been found. Even though they had yet to make their broken engagement know, Yin Luo Xue hadn't been in a hurry to arrive at the hospital. So, how great was his shock when, upon arriving, the first person he saw was his sister on a litter being whirled by paramedics, blood dripping everywhere from her.

Oh God, what a terrible sight! 

Until the wedding, he had kept on telling himself just the night before and many before that. Until the wedding. He would be with that man just until the wedding. After all, he shouldn't matter too much, he was a man, it wasn’t like he could get pregnant so it didn’ count as cheating. It didn’t. And sometimes when he was drunk enough, Yin Luo Xue really believed those words.

He didn't want his sister to think of him as a dysfunctional or an abnormal person or for her to see him differently. He couldn't stand that so he tried really hard to suppress and denied his sexual orientation, going out with women more and more. When, no matter what he did, he still found himself more attracted by men than women, he started losing hope and was ready to enter a fake marriage contract, to prove to the society that he was normal. It was just that, he needed to be truthful t himself just a little bit. Before that prison he was willing to jump in, he just wanted to give himself a brief time of honesty. He wanted the man he came to love, to love him back, even if it was a pretended love it didn't matter. Just before his sister truly laid claim on that man, he wanted to be with someone who would understand him. 

He had disillusioned himself that it was harmless.

But now, he was too overwhelmed to continue lying to himself. He knelt, tears rolling down his cheeks. No, no, no. He was unwilling to accept that reality. That she wasn't going to be here anymore. That the person who welcomed him in this family... Oh, God... He had yet to apologize, it couldn’t be! It absolutely couldn't be the truth!

Yin Luo Xue shed tears like never before, his heart and world breaking without making a single noise.

When he had cried long enough and hard enough, he didn't know what to do after that, who to inform..., he really didn’t know how to proceed. Who was he supposed to call? Her attorneys? Who? Her fiancé first? So he tried calling for Qian Xun yet the latter didn't respond. He tried again and again before a nurse finally came to remind him of his fiancé being here too. In the end, he remembered what had brought him to this hospital first. Bai Shan.

***

Now that he finished his call with Qian Xun and wanted to return to Bai Shan's room once more, Yin Luo Xue couldn't help but hear the commotion at the entrance of the hospital.

How come the media were already informed?

It came to him then that maybe the best and first person he should have informed was her assistant. Liang Feng. This ever composed person would certainly know what to do. Taking out his phone once more, he inhaled a bit, before starting the call.

It was cut short.

Yin Luo Xue glanced at the time on the screen, one a.m. No wonders. Liang Feng bottom line for him was ten p.m.

Shuddering a bit, he still took his sister's phone that he was handed before by the paramedics and dialed the assistant's line once again.

This time, it was immediately answered.

***

When the phone started ringing, he had been asleep for less than an hour, and the headache he was nursing since the morning, had just calmed down. Now, however, it was threatening to return with vengeance. Extending his hands towards the night table, Liang Feng cut off the call and directly turned off the mobile. If they knew to call passed midnight, then they could damn well do so in some more decent hours. Even he should be allowed some time of respite. Seconds later, it was his second phone that started ringing, the one his boss dared call his ‘service phone’, a phone which calls he could never reject no matter the time of the day. Liang Feng cursed under his breath. He should have seen it coming. The woman took her holiday just the day before yesterday in prevision for her incoming wedding, but she was obviously already fretting that he was going to sink her companies. Witchy workaholic person! What does that fiancé of hers even see in her anyway?

Reluctantly, he connected the call and mechanically answered, his voice a lethargic one. At the other end, instead of the feminine voice of CEO Zheng, the panicky voice of her brother sounded in his ears. Frowning, Liang Feng calmly ordered him to regain his breath and explain. 

'Damn, what was it again?' the assistant couldn't help but think.

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