“…she isn’t really her father’s child…”
Like an unending echo, those words kept ringing in my mind. Again and again. Each time more powerful than the last one; until it stopped, completely. The meaning finally sinking in… I wasn’t his daughter. I had never been. Had he known it all along? Was that why?
I stared at the boy in front of me, wanting, needing to say something… but what?
The only thing I thought I had for myself, something that even this teenager in front of me couldn’t have, blood-ties, it turned out that too, was something I never had.
So hurtful, so hurtful, …so suffocating.
And what did they mean by “…life should be easy for her…”? Was he planning to toss me out of his living place?
Why was it that he was ready to love this woman’s child but not me? Or was it that Vicenzio here was actually his blood child? Was he the real thing and I the impostor?
Then again Vicenzio was nothing like him at all!
Vicenzio who was doing his best to hold his laughter for a moment now, finally let it out. His shoulders were shaking as he was guffawing, his laughs slightly echoing in the big room. He mocked me harshly.
“What did you called me some years ago? Bastard?” snickering he added. “Who would have thought you were talking about yourself?”
My shoulders shook, as I couldn’t help but laugh. My body didn’t know which reaction to give so maybe it just mimicked his. But, as I was laughing, hot tears were running down my cheeks, my laughing ceased at one point and sobs were uttered. My face was a mess as I crouch down and cry. I cried for all these worthless deeds, for all the time I used to learn things I never liked, for the time I spent wishing for recognition… I cried, as anguish and sorrow mingled together… It was so painful, … so annoyingly painful…
Vicenzio was long silent, flabbergasted, never haven seeing me cry.
“Hey stop that” he shouted and I stop at once, the pic of my tumultuous feelings passed, the rest of emotions had been controlled… at the very least the tears and sobs stopped.
“You…” he made a motion as though he would be advancing towards me but in the end, he stayed at his place.
I rose, looking at him, but without really seeing him. My eyes were empty as was my mind.
To say he was feeling bad would certainly be overestimating what he was feeling right now but for sure, the mirth in his eyes had died.
“I… I” he started but was unable to continue. Seconds later he tried differently, saying harshly, while his face wasn’t reflecting the employed tone “You’re this old, is it really something to cry over?”
I didn’t answer. The book that I was still holding, I gave it to him. Those weren’t the ones I liked anyway.
Lifelessly, without really thinking too much, I exited the room as my feet took the direction of the nearest exit of this manor. I needed to be out. Being inside suddenly became so suffocating.
The servant’s exit was the closer one, as I was going out, some of them greeted me, but I was quite unable to answer. A voice declined their offer of calling for the car.
Outside, I kept on walking, without any real destination in mind. I could vaguely hear Vicenzio’s shoes, clacking the ground behind me, as he kept on following me, without uttering a word.
After walking for a long time, I suddenly rushed towards the road, hoping to be run over by the fast approaching car.
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