Chapter 6: ! Paying Back

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One day, though, as she thought such days would continue, she ate something that made her pass out. Waking up, she found herself in the dark, her feet and hands bound to the bed. There was a smell lingering in the room, the intoxicating smell of incense that had certainly been soaked in aphrodisiac, for she was feeling hot and bothered all over. Her breathing was becoming heavier and quicker with each passing second.

She heard footsteps. There was someone in the room with her, and the person had apparently remarked that she had woken up. He walked up to her side, stopping by her head. Mu Rong An couldn't see. Her eyes were bandaged.  

Wasn't he going to talk at all? The silence was deafening.

She understood she thought. Ru Shan Yong was maybe not as cool, calm, and collected as she thought him to be initially. He could be losing his equanimity. Nothing he did really had a satisfying impact on her, so he had come back to the basis, a tit for tat, a tooth for a tooth. She had had her way with his body like she wanted, now he’d have his like he wants.

No, actually not, she contradicted herself again. That was the aphrodisiac thinking. That general wasn't like that. But no matter how hard she thought in this speck of time, her thinking always came back to that and when the silence prolonged, she said, in a voice that she herself doubted to be hers,

“There was really no need for all the trouble", she tried to pull on the ropes, but they didn't budge a bit, her breathing became even more labored by her efforts, "didn’t this wife already say that I didn’t mind? I am far more than willing to cooperate if you need me to. No need for the ropes.”

The person didn’t answer though.

As it prolonged, she actually grew scared of others, far more detestable possibilities. Ropes, aphrodisiacs, unknown persons. Her breathing quickened and now it had nothing to do with the aphrodisiac. She was panicking. In her mind replayed how she was supposed to die and an unadulterated fear grew in her. Expanding the more she thought about it. What to do? Blindly and carelessly provoking him, did General Ru actually end up annoyed somehow and sold her to a brothel?

“Who are you?” 

But the person still wouldn’t talk. He walked a little farther and she heard muffled sounds. Sounds, she imagined his clothes making as they fell on the floor. She tugged more fiercely on the ropes, not even feeling the pain of her skin being so madly pulled. Her mind was feverish and scared.

The sounds stopped as she grew more agitated and the person came back to her side. Fingers, first, touched her cheek, after which the back of his hand, before it slowly became the palm, almost gently caressing her face, as though to soothe her. It was a callused hand, warmer than her cheek. 

She paused a bit, whispering the general's name, to which the person stilled. Just for a sec, before the hand left her face and sooner than she could ask herself where he had gone, her clothes were slowly being peeled open, layer by layer. The silence turned her almost hysterical,

“This isn’t proportional at all!” she shouted, “Ru Shan Yong! You lousy general, I didn’t bandage your eyes, neither did I give you to another. Ru Shan Yong!”

She was trashing, her heart thumping, taken in a panic mode, all reasoning having long flown out of her mind, the only thing left was a nightmare she had had some months ago which led her to where she was in the end. 

The person stilled again at her shouting, pausing in taking off her inner robe.  There was a rumble. The person's hands were actually on her stomach, she clearly felt him shaking before he guffawed, laughing breathily.

This tone, in the end, it was just him? Ru Shan Yong?

He leaned on her, laughter in his voice still, his familiar voice brushed her ears, his breath warm on her cheek,

“You still know how to be scared!” 

She actually let out a long breath she didn't even realize she was holding, a long and deep sigh of relief. 

His hands behind her head unhook the bandages of her eyes. She blinked the moisture that was weighing her eyelashes but it still kept on flowing out anyway. Mu Rong An still couldn't see anything. It was dark. The very room hadn't been lit with any light at all so she couldn’t make up his face. When taking off the small band, he touched the wetness of her face, and Mu Rong An felt the bed dipped in a little as he sat. His hands patiently brushed her overflowing tears away. After a moment, the terror left her eyes and the reflexive tears finally stopped.

He had an almost gentle tone as he reprimanded,

“What are you crying and shouting for? Isn’t it what I should have done from the start?" The warm palm left her hand to play with her hair, "drugging you, bounding you, intoxicating you… and playing with your body independently whether you were willing or not.”

There was in his voice a sort of melancholia Mu Rong An couldn’t understand. Her fears cleared her head enough for her to distinguish it. These methods were after all, not his style at all. Which was why he wedded her to start with!

“What happened?” she asked unconsciously, her voice still trembling a little from the previous emotion. He stilled before actually lying by her side, burying his face in her neck, inhaling deeply. There was in his breath the lingering smell of wine and something else. Something she couldn't recognize. He shifted his head's position quite a time, searching for a better place to put it and My Rong An chuckled a bit, his nose was a little ticklish against her skin and by the feel of it, he had stubble he didn't shave.

She felt much better now, so persisted with her question for, after all, he was quite strange today,

“I… wonder", he finally said after a moment, shifting his head once again, his mouth on her neck, "now it’s my time to have my ways with you I suppose!”

As though to affirm that, he actually kissed her neck which brought an involuntary gasp from Mu Rong An. His lips were somewhat cold on her hot body.

As though reminded, the excess of adrenaline provoked by her scare started to lose effect, and the aphrodisiac was once again taking reign of her brain. This was a way stronger one than what she had used on him. She groaned at the differences, not really liking that her own idea was played against her. She still wanted to see him though,

“I didn’t let you in the dark, you could clearly see my face.”

He chuckled a bit, light, pleasing vibrations against her collar even though his fuzz was pricking her slightly. He was way more clear-headed than she had thought him to be, as he still had it in him to keep sound reasoning,

“You broke the light pearl of your room this morning and only you know what you did with the candles. How can I possibly light the room for you?”

She had indeed broken that light pearl trying to polish it today, as for the candles, she just hid those away, wanting to get a reason to force him to either come back or have him send someone goes buy more to which she could have added other things to be bought as well.

As his lips got lower, her clothes seemed to be on the way, and he started to take this one off as well. The cold air made her shiver a little; his lips were back on her body again, and she felt something already poking at her.

“Free my hands,” she more ordered than begged and he lifted his head from her collarbone to come back to her face, so close that their hot breaths were mingling together.

“My hands weren’t freed,” he said, prying her stubborn mouth open with a thumb to kiss her hard and deep. Almost like a punishment.

He himself had a layer of clothing on him still, which he took off while kissing her, flinging it somewhere in the room where it landed. His long hair was unbound, she could feel a curtain of it on her arm. She quite wanted to touch it, to let her hand roam in it and feel its coolness with her fingers. It was slightly damped as though he had just taken a bath. 

“Un…bound me,” she said between heavy breathing.

But his mouth was back on hers again, commanding silence.

In the dark, he couldn’t exactly see but he let his body do as it pleased. He was kissing her collar, down to her breast, sucking, licking, seemingly easily remembering what she did to him and Mu Rong An wondered with the bit of sense left in her if he actually used to think about it a lot to be remembering it so easily. She couldn't help the startled gasp when he took the small mount in his mouth nor the way it merged into a moan as he bit and played with it. By the time he went to the other one, she was panting, making short, whimpering sounds. 

Was the aphrodisiac making her more sensitive than ever? She would put it on it. He couldn't be that good for his second time. She did have a book and he, he had nothing at all yet was still better!

At one point he really did free her but her brain had yet to register the fact. She couldn't move even if she wanted to. His tongue, his fingers, his hands, they were everywhere at the same time.

She cried she felt her lower self getting wetter. If he could see, no face had been redder than hers at this moment. Her breath left her in another hiss and he took in his mouth the remnant of her moan. Tongues dancing, trying to taste every bit of her.

That was it, she thought. The pleasure, oh, the marvelous pleasure, and how good it was.

He wasn't any less affected. His groans were rougher, he made low, broken noises against her throat as he slid inside her. Full, firm, and hot. Thick and hard as steel and soft like velvet. Her high shriek of surprise turned into a sound that could only be described as indecent. 

He still had yet to move though. He was patient, letting her adapt to his size and it was she, who buckled her hips and induced the first move. She wanted, needed him to move. He groaned at the sharp thrust and was kissing her again, his teeth pulling her lower lip.

He started with slow rhythmless thrusts, a harmless tease that had her writhing into his unhurried pace. She was desperate for more, her body twisting as she attempted to rise. But he wouldn't let her. He pushed her back down, restricting her movements. Her eyes flickered shut, her head rolling backward as her voice rose. Then she was coming again, buckling into his member. His lips went back to her own, muffling the desperate sounds. She pushed him a little to catch her breath, but he was moving again. His thrusts this time wilder, quicker. She came again, and it wasn't long before she felt the equal build of his pleasure; she heard it in his voice, the tensing of his muscles, the thrumming of his member buried inside her. She felt his edge, a throated growl, his hips bucking forward, face buried in her chest, his climax pushing her over to another one of her own. 

And both of them were left panting. Her tongue darted out, and in the complete dark, it was almost like he could see, for he was kissing her again, equally as desperate as she.

It was completely different. Way better. For her at least. And if that was what he felt that time too, she had to wonder why he was angry to start with!

He got up. She made no motion to move. Too tired and too lazy for that. But she did miss his warmth.

‘It isn’t identical’ she thought, ‘I did it twice and slept by your side’. But he’s already gone and she just had her bedding to lay down with. Somehow, it was cold.

However, he came back sometime later though, and contrary to her who had cleaned him in the same room, he lifted her and went with her to the water room where there was hot water waiting. It was way more pleasant than the cold one she had bathed him with that night, and she suddenly felt extremely grateful for the differences!

She didn't mind and was not the least bit interested in helping him, she pretended to be asleep, letting him deal with her body, not making it easier for him one bit.

Though she was pretty sure he knew she wasn't really asleep.

***

The next morning, she woke up sore, way more than she had been when she was the one in command. It never occurred to her though, that he would still be here when she’d be waking up. At one point, she really did fall asleep so Mu Rong An had no idea when exactly they came back to the bed.

The sky was still dark outside, slowly turning blue. Birds could already be heard chirping, what woke her though, was the annoying sound of the rooster. A rooster whose presence wasn't there the previous day. 

She ruffled her hair and puffed a breath. They were messier than they had ever been with clots everywhere. She was feeling sorry for herself just at the thought of brushing them! Something she was forced to do herself because of a certain person.

She tilted her head to his side, wondering a little if she closed his nose and mouth, would he suffocate in his sleep? No, he wouldn't but she could still try to mess with his hair too, after all, she was pretty sure it was because of him that hers were in this state! She reached out both hands and halted as he shifted his position before deciding against it.

Trying to get up, the cover fell and she actually found herself completely naked. There were love bites all over her body. She couldn't help but flush at the reminder. Thinking back, Ru Shan Yong was really strange. She was sure that he too, was venting -in a sense- or had he eaten something? What? She didn’t know. Wanting to even the score with her yet not knowing how to battle with a woman and in the end, taking her own arms against herself? That wasn’t his way at all!

But what had been done, had been done! Was she supposed to be angry? This was something she herself had started, and even at this very moment, she couldn’t find it in her to say that she regretted what she did, if, under the same circumstances, she would surely do the same thing all over again.

However, those kinds of things not being his style meant that there was a reason that brought him to her bed. At this particular moment, she didn't really care what it was, her sole thinking was that she could find her way out of this stupid punishment he had designed for her. She could try and take back all the privileges she was born with, or if not, some of them.

Her gaze lingered a bit on his face. There were bags under his eyes. Quite dark. She didn’t know what was happening in the camps but he seemed awfully tired; He shifted and she was quite certain that he was awake now, so she said, with a voice slightly coarse,

“This time, certainly, the scores are evened!... Then can we call for a truce?”

He slowly sat too, and she watched as the cover shifted and fell on his thighs, revealing his upper body. She took her gaze back, only hearing him cracking his neck to better wake himself up. He looked briefly in her direction, then around the room, where still laid some clothes,

He said in a thick voice that was even huskier,

“…Fine”

… That… As simple as this? Was it really fine? Was it really okay?

Hmph, if he wanted to let it go as simply as that who was she to prevent him? If anything, she was going to try and find even more benefits for herself!

She tried to talk again but found herself with little voice, almost gone and she had to clear her throat, twice. A blush crept while she thought back about all her shoutings the night before. Even if his guards were not half as good as him in martial arts, they must still have heard.

“I want my servants back!”

A moment of silence. 

“...You’ll have to wait for a month for them, … meanwhile, others will come to serve you.”

***

Once he talked, he was actually someone fast to act. He had people fetch for them immediately and they came before the sun was high in the sky. Nine servants. It wasn’t really an adequate number for such a large manor, but she would make do with it for the time being. 

It was honestly good to not have to do things by herself again, and ordering people was something that she actually missed.

She had them cleaned the courtyard she resided in, inside out. For the other one, well, it wasn’t urgent. The master could jelly well sleep here for the time being!

She was actually in such a good mood that she chose to come and sit, watching him train with his sword while waiting for the tea she ordered to be brought. He had simple black clothes on and as she paid more attention, she remarked that his face had no stubble. He had, apparently shaved the night before. 

Her smile was more genuine than ever as she was blabbering nonsensical nonsense to him, trying to see how far his patience with her would go or if he would end up snapping at her to shut up.

He really was someone who made her feel like playing with fire!

“…So, I don’t have to wash my own laundry anymore, nor cook... nor anything. If I knew it was this easy I would have suggested you take me way earlier… that is called marital rights! This wife wouldn’t dare refuse.”

His steps faltered and he turned to her. The tea set had long been deposed by her side and she was serving some for herself. 

His cold voice rang, completely different than the gentle one of the night before which was groaning and whispering nonsense in her ears softly.

“If you want things bought, buy them yourself, a carriage will come to you to help you to the village's market!”

She didn’t mind. Why would she? There was no way he could let her go alone, so her smile grew wider as she openly mocked him. His lips twitched and one had to wonder if General Ru wasn't as intimidating as he used to be.

Although Mu Rong An didn't mind going to the certainly bustling, noisy, maybe dirty, and quite possibly crowded market of the village, she still had to make a thing clear as she thought about something,

“I won’t disguise myself,” she told him, thinking of his love interests who liked to dress as men. She was a woman and the only thing she needed was a veil, “And to whoever asks, I’d say I’m your wife!”

This was clearly saying that she was going to exceed whatever amount of money he was going to give and take out his name as a warrant for other purchases.

This woman... really... give her an inch and she would take a mile...

He had actually paused to listen to her, releasing, in the end, a sigh, the very first one Mu Rong An heard him released and far from being the last through their lives together,

“Whether you can convince them of this would be by your own abilities!”

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Chapter 5: Life near the borders

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From the capital to the northern borders they were going to, the distance could be covered in a month at least. The thought of sitting in a carriage being jolted for such a long period of time wasn’t comforting at all. However, wouldn’t it have been far better than what she was actually living?

As early as when they passed the capital’s gates, Ru Shan Yong had her climb down the carriage and sit on a horse. A horse! When did she learn to ride? Never, obviously! Despite her protests, the man wouldn’t take no for an answer and had a special device installed for her on the animal’s back. At the very least, she was securely bound and couldn’t fall down… maybe?

Once perched on the quadruped, she discovered that those animals were quite high! It kept moving and she swayed with its every step, trembling all along, holding the straddles firmly, not daring to look anywhere but straight in front of her. To be honest, her horse was actually attached to the general’s so she wasn’t really the one directing it. She just had to sit, yet that proved to be quite arduous and so, from time to time, one of the general’s men had to arrange her position so the person wouldn’t fall.

Soon, her muscles grew sore and the hands holding the reigns too tightly were already tired. Despite his unwelcoming treatment, when she was complaining, he would still have the procession halted for the day and let her rest. In those moments, she couldn’t help but ask herself if he was actually pitying her and truthfully letting her rest or if he was enjoying it so much that he didn’t care about being delayed!

No matter what she did, no matter what she said, the inside of the carriage was refused to her. Flowery words, smiles, and whatnot were wasted on this man. She didn't even take time trying to have his men talked in her favor, not that she wasn't interested in giving it a shot, but loyal dogs they were, they wouldn't even meet eye with her, let alone converse. And anyway, the general was constantly near her, how then, could she endeavor herself with them?

The food, after a few weeks, became only dried meats, tasteless soup accompanied by bread or rice, and some fruits. It grew repetitive and her picky palate which was far too used to delicacy tolerated this state of things less and less. Mu Rong An couldn't help it, it just wouldn't cross her esophagus anymore and more often than not, just made her gag. As such, she was now mostly eating fruits. And since he was always by her side and even eating near her -mind you, he didn't like talking to her- than with his men, she would mercilessly take his share when he was busy eating his rice and bread. Well, he wasn't shameless enough to argue over meals with a woman though. When he would lift his head from his bowl to see her chomping down his neatly cut pieces of sugar cane, he would say nothing as she smiled at him, he just stared for a minute before returning to his plate. Sometimes, he would force her to eat regardless if she really did vomit later.

The clothes packed for her, she understood the next day of their departure, were actually simple clothes, terribly low-quality ones, that she had to wonder if those weren’t the poorest peasant's ones. Even the lowest servant in her father's residence had better regular clothes than these. However, what she really thought of such arrangements, no one could tell as her temper, as always, was something she had under control. As he looked at her opening the bags, she lifted a bright sunny smile to him, her voice sonorous as she gave her thanks. He said nothing and just exited her tent, the sole moment he would actually leave her all alone, the sleeping time.

Oh, he did let her alone when she bathed too. And she wished it was something they did on a more regular basis! But no, she could consider herself lucky if she took a bath after a week for mainly, it was once per two weeks which could be said to be generous from him for most of the time he was asking her to use a towel to wipe her body! She supposed had her body not developed red spots she wouldn't have even been given that generosity. The only good times would be when they halted in a village where she'd finally have a good couch to lay her tired limbs. So, most of the time, she was uncomfortable.

All in all, the worst in her first experience outside the capital was still the road. Too bumpy or was it always like that when one was on a horse’s back? The destination seemed so far away and somewhat unattainable, she didn’t know how much she had tried asking for a return. Never had she found smiling so difficult! His sole and only answer when asked such, would be him telling her to drop the pretense!

Her smile grew stiffer every day that passed by!

Just like that, a journey which usually lasted a month, took them thrice the time. Three agonizing months! He was really too carefree! Wasn’t he scared the Emperor would fault him? Although at the time she would enjoy the breather, at the end of the road, she couldn't help asking herself if it wouldn't have been better if he ignored her whining and just rode for a month. 

By the time they arrived, she had blisters and was fatigued like never before. She was sore all over. She lifted her bandaged hands and kissed the inside of her palm wishing the pain to go away. What a long torturous journey, she couldn’t stand up nor walk properly at all! If she could help it, that was enough horse riding to last her at the very least ten lifetimes! Not that the horse liked her any better than she did it, she swore the animal was actually snickering when she'd got down of it for the last time, at the Ru manor. 

Well, the sentiment was shared! 

***

Although Mu Rong An knew that Ru Shan Yong didn't mean for her to come to fight with him when he forcefully invited her here, she still thought that the manor wasn't too far from the military camp. Which... happened to be wrong. It was far he said as he left her in this residence and continued with his men, letting her with only one elder woman.

She had no words for what she felt.

And even though she dreamed no more than to take a bath, she still humored the servant who was showing her around. The place was solely for the use of Ru Shan Yong but was still vast and had two courtyards. However, her amiable smile stiffened with every more meter of the place that she got to see. He had to have done it to spite her. The courtyard she was to live in was full of dust, specks of dirt, and things stacked here and there. No one tidied it at all! 

Well, well, well, wasn't there still another courtyard? Since she was his wife, of course, she would be the commending person in his absence. As such, she made her way to the other courtyard... only to find it worse than the first!

A life worse than death he had said. Well, maybe for a missy like her, it could still be considered torture. Mu Rong An breathed in and breathed out after which, her smile was quite lovely. She could do it and lived through this. Anyway, what of it, she just had to order servants around, she didn't have to mind the delay.

How wrong was she? Oh so very much!

Beside this elderly person by her side, there weren't any more living souls! No one! And what of the elderly woman? It just so happened that the hands she was hiding in her sleeves all along were damaged. Her fingers had been cut in her infancy and apparently, she ought her life to grandfather's Ru leniency... not that Mu Rong An cared one bit.

All in all, she had to live in this desolate manor with no servants, less luxury, less everything. To top it all, she had to do the cleaning, cooking... and she didn't know what more, but she had to do it all by herself! The worse was that she had to discover it by herself, he didn't even take the time to inform her before riding his horse away with his men!

It wasn't like she wanted him to spend time here, she knew he was supposed to be spending more time in the barracks and the camps with the others, and actually, she was always looking forward to this those past three months, less interaction, less forced smiles... but it wasn't supposed to be like this! 

Swallowing colorful words and with nothing to break to help her vent, she passed her nerves on the dirt of the bigger bedroom in the biggest courtyard, sweeping as she could, before taking a bath. A cold one. She had no idea how to start a fire and the servant had miraculously disappeared at one moment when she wasn't paying attention. She ate nothing that night. Sleep claimed her as fast as when she hit the pillow.

***

Contrary to what she thought, he still came the next day and she once again wondered if she thought it all wrong. Maybe he wanted to scare her the first night and would bring servants afterward?

"You really liked cleanness." He said after looking at the only sparkling place of the manor, her acclaimed bedroom.

Her lips twitched, her smile faltering a bit. It was early in the morning, and she was sleepy, tired, sore... and desperately hungry. His face at this moment, was the last thing she had wanted to see, nonetheless he just so happen to be the one who entered unannounced. In his military uniform. His boots were still on, staining the floor she had painstakingly cleaned.

A flash of anger passed her eyes -that he managed to catch- before she offered him a warm smile.

“Between us, husband and wife, one of us has to, or who knows what disease may plague us in the future."

The standing man suddenly let himself sit on the floor, not far from her, staring at Mu Rong An who was sitting on her bed. The corners of his lips actually lifted a bit, when, she was sure, he wanted nothing more than to throttle her. 'You’re being blackened' she thought.

"Aren't you tired of always smiling?"

Her smile was even more pronounced at his sentence, she pleasantly said, "I fail to understand."

He stared at her, whose smile didn't falter a bit, and chose not to bother. Instead, he asked,

“Can you tell?... what I want from you?” She shifted in her place to find a better position, but otherwise stayed silent, “That pride that wanted to harm me... I want to squash it!... So, you who never did anything with your hands... will learn. Hadn't you always wanted to be a wife? A mistress? Let us see to whom and where you'll be displaying your position and pride to!"

As she listened to what he certainly thought was for her the worst treatment ever, she didn't show any hint of anger, despair, or whatever he was waiting for certainly. No emotion crossed her at all, he could have said nothing that it would have certainly had more impact on her. Smiling still, she asked,

“...Oh... so you want to live a lifetime with someone you now despise or do you plan to divorce at one point?"

The glare she received was an indication that he, most certainly, hadn't thought that far. Her smile bigger, she asked, 

"Is General Ru's heart still pining for that person? She’s married and had already forgotten all about you!”

"Enough nonsense!”

A touchy subject he wasn't in the mood to talk about apparently, but she didn't persist. Rather, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, leaning forward a bit, her voice huskier, she demanded sultrily,

“In this, do you happen to want a child? Pride or not, I'm still your wife, and from my point of view, company is always welcome... my own child, of course.”

He suddenly stood up abruptly, a hand on his face. He's remembering, she thought. He left without properly answering and Mu Rong An chuckled a bit. Ah, really as pure as jade. This small victory was absolutely satisfying!

She went back to sleep once again.

Hours later, she didn't see even the hint of his shadow, he had already left again. She didn't know if she should rejoice or not but the previously empty kitchen had been furnished and vegetables, rice, and... chicken were brought. One's head had already been cut for her... not cleaned though.

She pursed her lips. That servant had disappeared once again. With no other choice, she assembled what she could need for the day's meal. She did have to eat after all.

Cooking wasn’t easy, she understood moments later. Pampered as she was in her family, where would she be using her own hands? She just needed to know the recipes, the ingredients, and their properties and that was far enough. Things, like starting a fire, chopping things off, or cutting fine slices, were obviously the works of servants. Hers should logically just be supervising. Yet here she was now, holding a kitchen knife for the first time in her life. Her hands were already sore from the travel and hurt and now she had to add cuts on them too!

And that damned knife, did it have to be so sharp? Look at her bleeding hands!

She was hungry though, so very hungry. Thus, she could only swallow her complains and tries harder. In the end, what should have been cut finely was all too big. Slicing the potatoes, she actually cut more of its pulpit than just its skin. The hardest part though was the fire. How to start a fire, she never learned such a thing! After two hours of trying, she gave up. Which was when the disappeared servant actually reappeared to give a hand.

Mu Rong An was too tired to seriously reprimand yet she still had the energy to say some words. Which she did, without holding back!

When the meal was finally ready... why didn't it taste like it should? With a grumbling stomach far too hungry and a body far too tired, she could only force herself to eat.

When it came to washing clothes, once again, that elderly person couldn't be found anywhere and Mu Rong An had to do it all alone. It wasn't like she even liked those clothes, the hard material was rugging her skin, leaving marks on her. Yet those were the only clothes she had!

As five days passed and her cooking didn't get any better, her stomach finally couldn't keep it anymore. Nothing wanted to pass and she stopped forcing herself. It wasn't good! She may be the one who cooked but she was still a picky eater. 

That was when actually, a decent meal had been brought to her. And since then, every five days, someone would deliver her three good, regular meals. 

No one helped with the cleaning and laundry though, and one day, as she was struggling to wash her clothes, she suddenly fainted.

Although his treatment of her couldn't be called good, Ru Shan Yong wasn’t after her life. She understood so when he actually came back galloping on his horse when he heard that she fainted. It turned out to be from heatstroke. He roared at her, the first time he actually raised his voice, it was three parts annoyed, two parts exasperated and one part worried,

“Are you stupid? Don’t you know to protect your head?”

Well, she wasn't in the mood to talk or smile either, Mu Rong An simply ignored him and stayed laid on her bed, even closing her eyes. 

He paced around the room for a time before finally seating in one corner. She actually really slept, so had no idea what he did at all. When she woke up, she found that he had people brought in a small table in the middle of the room. He was sitting there, polishing his long sword.

She slowly sat, while he didn't even lift his eyes from what he was doing. Tilting her head, she observed him for a while. He didn't have his armor anymore, his brows were like always furrowed, his lips tightly pursed. His posture was really unwelcoming. Somehow, she wanted to mess with him. It was like an itch that she had to scratch. And so, her voice traveled to his ears some moments later.

“I had a dream.”

He didn’t acknowledge her words but she continued nonetheless,

“Something dawned on me. You said you had in mind to never marry again. To live like a monk. I really don’t mind. I hope that you too, dear husband, wouldn't mind. When asked why I can’t give birth I might just say that you’re impotent.”

“…”

She sighed, “Even though both of us know that you most definitely are not.”

"..."

The corners of her lips rose even more,

“But you can still take the fancy of someone". She dropped the smile, her eyes cold, "You don't like fake smiles and polite words then let me be blunt, the woman you would be welcoming through this door would die! The children you’d have, if not mine, would die. Even if we’re not in the same manor and you find a way to lock me here, I’ll still think of ways to eliminate her.”

What could she say, she really didn't like sweeping the floor or cleaning or cooking or doing laundry or anything that contributed to hurting her already hurt hands. And thinking that this person may have, on his side, already met with Feng Xi and played the game of love while she was here and even fainting from the glaring sun... she had to take it on someone!

And even more, she was very serious. If you want a divorce, bring it on, if not, then no, she wasn't one to share nor compromise anymore on such matters.

He had posed his sword on the table and taken the time to look at her, the seriousness on her face. There was, indeed, no more deceptive smile plastered for others to see. He resumed his activity while saying slowly, with an even voice,

“Then I am now an informed person,"

Oh, he wasn't going to rebuke her?

"You are a twisted deranged person, I'm enlightened more and more,” he added.

She chuckled a bit, “I know”.

And that was all he had to say. Nothing more.

Humming happily, she got off the bed and went to sit near his table, both elbows on the table, she watched him work his hands on his weapon feeling more calm and satiated than she had ever been. She needed not, apparently, hide her darkness from him.

Well, it wasn't like he was unaware of it anyway.

***

He left before the day ended. However, his visit improved things though, from five days it lessened to every three days, the time when proper meals would be brought. Even though she had to clean, washed, and prepared her meals, after a time, she got used to it, and her grumblings and internal complaints stopped -or maybe lessened. It really wasn’t all that bad.

Mocking him when he once more came, she said,

“A life worse than death… surely you jest. This is far too easy!”

He turned around and she thought, it was her win and his defeat!

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Chapter 4: Petty Revenge

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The marriage was done exactly four months after the banquet. There were no mishaps and the Ru family didn’t insult or belittled theirs either for the number of carts brought was reasonable. Considering what she did, Mu Rong An could almost call it excessive, as though, he was buying her off. Well, the idea didn’t seem far stretched; maybe he was compensating her parents for their future loss?

Being her father’s legitimate child, her dowry was quite consistent, added to that the previous gifts of the Empress, really, no bride had been so well and worry-free money-wise in quite a long time.

Although she didn’t think he would be thoughtless enough to slight their family’s name, she didn’t think he would be so upright. He came to pick up the bride at the right time, kicked the sedan, and was more than respectful.

All in all, the ceremonies were all respected and the marriage turned out quite splendid.

Before being picked up though, that morning, her mother had passed to her a book. The cover was strangely familiar and sure enough, when she turned open one page, she immediately closed it. Her mother coughed a little, saying that some things couldn’t be talked about but she still needed to know about them. Mu Rong An worked hard to blush, appearing like a decent girl, embarrassed at such content. It was a version of the book she had looked at the night she drugged General Ru! Who knew that mothers actually passed down such things for their daughter’s wedding day!

Originally, she immediately followed the Fen’s crown prince back to his country and they wedded there. Her parents didn’t follow, just some servants; so, there were many things that she didn’t get to know about. Many things were so different than what she was living this day. Now that she could have a more normal wedding, she wanted it to be right no matter what; if only to have a good memory of such a day.

She patiently listened as her mother gave some more counsel and pieces of advice. It was her day and she knew the extent of things thus she gave face to her half-sisters and her father’s concubines, didn’t make anything difficult for them while accepting their half-hearted concerns and well wishes. She even had a talk with her elder brother and underhandedly told him that she was going to be alright so what was he waiting for?

‘Hurry and marry’, she thought. ‘This time around don’t be so concerned with me, try finding happiness and even more so, enjoy a long and happy life.’

She had many things she wanted to say but in the end, nothing would come out yet she was almost choking with tears. Breathing in, she composed herself and smiled gently, even though no one could see it with her veil hiding her face.

Her four loyal servants were parts of her dowry and followed her to Ru manor. She was now inside a carriage to go there and General Ru was on his horse, diligently assisting the carriage, properly giving her face.

It was really puzzling.

Trying to think about other things than his motives, she looked down at her red clothes. She had embroidered the details of her clothes by herself. Despite the short deadline, she did her best and actually finished it only two weeks ago… Clothes and shoes.

To be fair, this was the second time she did such things. The first time she did a complete wedding assembles, was in prevision for her fifteen birthday. She had really thought that some days following her hairpin ceremony, the second prince would come and make their engagement official, even hoping that he would forego the engagement and directly go for a wedding. She had sewn for a year and a half. It was really meticulous and the decorations were beautiful. But in the end, it served no purpose and ultimately, she had burned those clothes without having a chance to wear them in a fit of rage.

For having done such things, Li Ming Qi had called her a desperate fool who couldn’t realize it when a man wasn’t interested. Indeed, she had revealed all that thinking Hen Ru Ying would have been moved by her devotion and love, except he hadn't been at all. But how could she recognize that she just thought that he was bewitched by Li Ming Qi and to make him clear his eyes, she had schemed to have Li Ming Qi’s skin powder added with an irritation powder, wishing to see her face all red from the irritation and scratches. That turned out horrible as the one who ultimately used it was herself and she had to hide in her manor for a whole month to recuperate.

Compared to that first wedding clothing, the one she was wearing today was simpler. It wasn’t ugly though. She did have pride in her hands, so long as she set her heart on learning, no matter the motives behind it, she would thoroughly learn!

Only, it just so happened that such skills were not needed for these special men. At this point, she really didn’t care anymore. All her life, she learned how to attract a man’s interest, was taught how to be a good wife, and how to manage a household. Those were things she could proudly say she mastered. Where was the need to know about medicinal herbs or whatnot? She wasn’t planning to be a physician! Things like taking a horse to pass the time or brandishing swords weren’t what she fancied doing in her spare time, she would rather paint or play some music.

Sitting in the carriage, hearing his horse’s neighing and its hooves thundering on the ground not far away, she really wondered what he was thinking about. All day long, that thought had followed her and was at the back of her mind, never to be forgotten for long. In what form would his revenge be coming?

Oh, she thought, hours later, sitting on the big bed of the wedding chamber, wasn’t this kind of revenge petty? The night was going deeper and deeper and still, he had yet to come. Her servants were fidgeting, apparently more scared to see him come than him not coming. After all, they were in the know of what their mistress did and were deathly pale thinking about General Ru real motives behind such a wedding. Their colorful imagination always had blood and deaths! Theirs being the goriest!

With all that had been done the whole day, Mu Rong An didn’t get a chance to eat and was now hungry. Not saying much about his absence, she just ordered one of her servants to help take off her veil. The decorations on her head were exquisite but quite heavy.

“That,” stammered her servant, not daring to do so, after all, if he did come, he was the one habilitated to take it off.

Mu Rong An glanced at the night from the slightly opened window, thinking that he wouldn’t come anyway but she didn’t insist; instead, she asked to be brought some light dishes. Lifting her veil, she ate slowly and tastily, not the least bit contraried. Her first bowl emptied, she even had the appetite to add another, even mentally preparing herself to sleep after that.

The servants who equally accompanied her should be hungry too, but where would they think about meals when their insides were turning just at the thought of their future master? They couldn’t eat a thing and it was already good that they were not vomiting at the sight of their young mistress happily gulping down her late snack.

Once Mu Rong An was done, the plates were brought out and she stared absentmindedly at the door. She wondered a little if his line of thought were really as she had deduced: did he marry her just to let her know she would never be a real mistress? Not sharing his bed, in the future she’d have no real power at all in his courtyard? Let her lose face constantly yet too prideful enough to complain? Was it really this?

If it really was, then it was far too easy to handle and much better than what she initially thought. If that was really the case, there had never been a need for her to prepare for the worst then. Thinking so, she touched the small flask that was hidden in her sleeves. Poison. It was a fast-acting one with almost no pain attached. If there was a possibility to live she would, of course, take it; but she bought this just in case what he had in store for her became unbearable. It seemed that she may never need to use it.

Surprisingly, the door opened and the one who entered was actually her husband. Behind her veil, she couldn’t really see the expression on his face, but his red clothes were quite dashing. She dared say, his figure looked even more handsome than that of the second prince.

There were people behind him. Men and women were trying to see the bride’s face. But who was it that could pressure him? Friends and acquaintances alike were flatly refused the entrance. He had the servant girls ordered out. His voice was cold and unwavering with a faint smell of wine that could be perceived coming from him. 

Mu Rong An swiftly returned the flask to its hiding position and kept her head down waiting for his actions. She looked up though when she heard him rummaging through things in the chamber. He was going through her things and before she could ask what exactly he was searching for he already had in his hands two little flasks identical to the one in her sleeves. He put them on the table near the ceremonial wine.

She watched him, unmoving, unblinking, completely mute. There wasn't fear in her... more like apprehension? 

He didn't talk and neither did she. He approached her at a steady pace, neither fast nor slow. Reflexively, she straightened her sitting position and clasped her hands tighter on her thighs as he stopped right in front of her. The silence was deafening. He leaned on her, and she involuntarily stopped breathing, waiting, for what, she herself didn't know. As he kept on leaning on her, one of his hands clasped hers, loosening them. Although hardened with calluses due to sword training since his young years, his palms were still agreeable to touch and hot, and at this moment, she could swear they were actually scalding. She could feel his soft breathing on her neck, making her shiver slightly. There was a faint smell of wine under his breath. His other hand, which he had previously put on her shoulder, slid down gently. Through the many layers of her clothes, she could still feel the heat of his palm as it traversed her shoulder, her arm, her hands… and in the end, took out the last flask of poison.

The object in his hand, he straightened himself up and Mu Rong An felt slightly disappointed at the lost contact.

He had found all three of them. This general certainly had others keep track of her activities these last months. Now what? He still didn’t talk, nothing, just stood there in front of her. In the end, it was she who broke the heavy atmosphere; chuckling a bit and with no inflection in her voice she said,

“Will General Ru believes it if I said I had no intention of using them on the general?”

It was for herself after all.

He still said and did nothing and she really didn’t know what to think of this person anymore. She had never really given much thought to him before so she really didn’t know his manner of thinking and thus couldn't adapt to it. She just smiled and continued,

“You went out of your way to marry me, will you really let our wedding night pass like that?”

When she finished talking, he actually distanced himself even more. He stood by the window looking at the night. His cold voice resounded in the vast room,

“You really have no fear… First miss Mu, from the north to the east, in this time and age, who saw someone as shameless as this?"

Well, despite his tone, she was going to take this as a compliment. Smiling still, she didn't interrupt him and diligently listened,

"You say you thought hard about how to inflict me pain…," There was a hint of mocking in his voice as he continued, "Laying with a man, do you really think that it will hurt him?”

“Your ego sure got bruised.” She said softly, haughtily, which he heard without much effort for his martial arts weren’t bad at all; following such sentence, his voice got harsher, to which she thought 'I nailed the truth'.

“I too thought hard about what could make you suffer. Something that for you would be considered worse than death… ”

“And here I thought you were an upright man, marrying a woman that you deflowered."

Who knew that the usually cool man actually had little patience for such a topic. In a swift movement, he was facing her again and it didn't matter that she couldn't see his expression clearly, she could still feel the intense anger in his words, 

"Who..." he started to exclaim but in the end, didn't finish. He clenched his hands. "Amuse yourself while you still can!"

Her neck was sore from all the pieces of jewelry she was wearing, she put her left hand on it and slowly massaged it, wondering a little if asked gently, would he help her take them off... Certainly not.

"This wife is quite ignorant," Under her veil, she never saw him flinch at the way she called herself, "so I can only ask for a clear explanation. Being married to me, isn't it you in the end who throws a stone on your own foot?”

Silence floated between them for a while and when she thought he wouldn't answer her at all, his voice resounded again, hard as steel but she could still feel it, there were tremors behind, trying hard to mask an unadulterated pain.

“It doesn’t matter, in this life, I don’t plan to marry anyway.”

Saying so, his patience had obviously run out and he left the big room in just a few strides taking with him the three dangerous bottles. When the door closed behind him, she heaved a sigh of relief and let herself fall on the bed. He was quite intimidating, indeed. To keep going on and talk with him she had to constantly refresh in her mind the erotic images of him, his flushed face, his aroused state. Those were a stark contrast to how he usually was!

It doesn’t matter, in this life, I don’t plan to marry anyway.

What a stubborn and altogether pitiful man. For him, he was still not married! Was this some kind of vow or was he cursing himself?

It was true, though, that heartbroken over Li Ming Qi, he really thought he could love no other. The second arc’s female lead had to work hard to let him recognize that he had fallen for her. Wasn’t it funny now, that he blocked his own path of happiness by marrying her? Did this make her a demon to know that his future wife would certainly not pursue the married him but she still went on with this marriage? He would most likely stay heartbroken for a good while. She put one hand on her chest where her heart beats, thinking that they would have all the time in the world to antagonize each other. Such a thought, however, failed to placate her as even a fake smile refuse to form itself on her lips. Instead, she was feeling more and more stuffy, her chest uncomfortable.

Did she eat too much?

I too thought hard about what could make you suffer. Something that for you would be considered worse than death… Amuse yourself while you still can!

She still knew nothing about what he prepared for her... Well, well, well, it didn't matter anyway. Pushing herself up, she touched her left earing, a soft smile adorning her face. She didn’t mind that he found all those, the real one she wanted to hide was still here. The poison wasn't hers, rather it was something her father found last year in one of the concubines' rooms. He had immediately expelled that concubine who had poisoned her shu brother, although the infant had been treated immediately his body was sickly still. If left to act normally, it would kill in just some hours, the poisoned person just feeling a slight headache before sleeping forever.

Composing herself, she raised her voice and ordered,

“Come.”

Her servants scurried in and help to take off all her jewelry and clothes. She then lay comfortably, sleeping peacefully as though the one threatened just now wasn’t her at all!

The following morning she served tea to her family-in-law and everyone welcomed her, neither coldly nor warmly. They were mostly polite. Mother and Grandmother Ru were pleased that their child decided to marry but she obviously wouldn’t have been their first choice. Her two sisters-in-law -one Ru Shan Yong's younger sister and the other the wife of the first son- too didn't really know how to feel around her. Mu Rong An didn't really mind, she returned their polite words and behaved accordingly.

In the following days, she didn’t see her husband and spent her time alone in the vast courtyard that was now hers as well. Truthfully, she didn’t even look for him or asked anyone about him. If he didn't feel well in his own home what could she, this newly comer do about it. Thus, not caring a little bit, she while away her time like she always did before her wedding playing zither or painting and sometimes having her servants accompany her in a play of chess. She had the time too, to think about the second arc's female lead. Feng Xi.

Normally, Ru Shan Yong should be going to the borders around this time, she wondered if he would meet with that woman still. 

If he really went, she, this newly wedded woman would become quite the center of gossip. Abandoned so early in her marriage. If he thought that her pride couldn't afford that little attention, he really didn't know her. She, the prime minister's first and legitimate daughter, was once ready to marry in as a concubine. Didn't that already tell him how thick-skinned she could be?

He may be a good strategist on the battlefield but he really knew nothing in handling women. No wonder Feng Xi would always be calling him a man as pure as jade!

***

He may not be there but his servants that he sent to pack his things indicated to her that indeed, he was going to the borders sooner than later.

Three days later he finally returned and accompanied her back to her family. She really couldn't keep track of how he was doing things at all. She was sure that he would have let her return all alone but here he was again, giving her face.

No matter what, she never had in mind to complain to start with, so the day was good and the reunion with her parents had been well. However, as it neared the time for them to go back, he suddenly said something that made her choke on her tea. Taking her with him to the borders?! He wanted her to follow him there?! What was he saying so straightforwardly as though it was normal? However, she quickly composed herself and even helped him reassure her parents that despite the rebellion brewing there, she was going to be fine! After all, her parents' residence wasn't the place to let out a temper, demanding what was going on.

But she did so, as fast as when they entered the carriage, her voice hadn't been raised and could be called pleasant but the hint of anger in it couldn't be concealed,

“Wait, you, when you were preparing yourself all this time, no one told me anything! How come I didn’t know something as big as this?”

He simply stated, 

“Now you know,”

She was stomped for words and had to breathe slowly before her sweet smile stopped wavering, 

“I can’t follow you on such short notice, I have to prepare clothes.”

He, who all this while was sitting with eyes closed, actually opened them to look at her, his glare nailed on her. His voice cold, he reminded,

“It seems, you’re forgetting that we aren’t happily married. Are you so good at pretending that you even fool yourself?”

There was in his voice a certain hardness and unwillingness to continue, discerning it, she only smiled at him and said nothing. Looking at her unflustered self and feeling unhappy about it maybe, he closed his eyes once again while she resumed looking towards the carriage's window. If there was no such law as a restriction on riding horses in the capital, he certainly wouldn't be sharing a carriage with her.

Going to the borders, she could adapt and not fuss too much about it. But coming back to the Mu residence, she was informed that she could take none of her servants at all!

“Mistress” they cried horrified. Their minds working fast and conjuring God knew what which scared them silly.

No matter what she said, he wouldn't budge at all. The things that she'd be taking with her there weren't arranged by her servants but by his and she had no idea what was inside the bags. In the end, she only had a say in what she was wearing on her body to take off and nothing else.

She gave a wry smile and joined her servants in thinking that once gone, their lives would certainly be extinct just like that. In the end, she failed to understand what his revenge was all about...

“They would live right?" she had asked him the night before they were to go, the sole one he actually spent in his own courtyard. She had barged into his room unannounced, threatening the servants who were daring enough to try and stop her along the way. "There really isn't a need to take it on them, that night, they were only following my orders!”

He was sitting at the small table, book in his hand that he had yet to take his eyes off of, even so, he seemed to be paying attention to her words as he sneered,

“Playing the righteous act? Do you take me for a fool?”

She clenched her fists under her sleeves, the smile in her voice, she said, "This wife doesn't dare."

The book was closed abruptly as he glared at her, not liking how she addressed herself one bit. 

Who was annoying who now?

Even though the air was thick with tension and thunder could be formed, no more words were said. She conceded first, humphing, she dropped the pretense and glared at him before going away. She knew she wouldn't receive any more words this night.

Those four servants, even though she would punish them when they were wrong or in her anger, she would never actually want their lives. These people were still those who were with her since her childhood, inevitably, some links were still forged.

Sighing, she closed her bedroom and talked to them, whether she was trying to reassure herself or them, she didn't really know,

“Don’t overstep your boundaries and quietly wait for me here, if he really wanted your lives, you wouldn't have survived until now…"

They were actually crying, 

"Shh," she ordered, not lightly, "Cry, cry, what's there to cry about, are you dead already? Aren't you well and living? And that will continue for many years! In my absence, you better let the place stay clean lest should I come back and be dissatisfied!..." she wryly added, "If I return of course..."

Before she could add anything else two of them were crying again. Where would the agitated Mu Rong An take the patience to placate them, she hushed all four of them out, before falling on the bed.

She took deep breaths and finally calmed herself down. She recognized, she really has no idea at all about what that husband of hers was preparing. When closing her eyes, her definition of worst was always accompanied by four to five men torturing her with different tools, sullying her body as the crown prince sat there, enjoying the view, touching himself to find release. 

This was, for her, the worst, however, she does recognize that the fear of the unknown was also a little terrifying. The capital was like her safe haven, where she would unconsciously think herself to be in control, while the borders were like Fen country. A territory she didn't know, where only strangers would surround her.

Softly, while touching her earing she thought,

"If not then I suppose it’s a farewell.”

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