Prologue

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Those damn things were endless!

One foot in, one foot out, Lilith froze in her movements, her hand refusing to let go of the doorknob. Her gaze was locked on the piles of papers on the desk. Her lips twitched, while her eyes and hands were already aching just at the thoughts of going through these.

A voice was heard behind her, politely asking to enter. Her feet were having a life of their own as they moved to the side to let the other passed, for she really didn’t think of letting more work go in. Nonetheless, she watched quite helplessly as the red-haired man with black horns added a new set of piles on the already full desk, promptly leaving afterward. Another individual directly entered after him, a violet-haired girl with fox ears and a cat’s black tail. The number of papers she brought was even higher. The third person who came was equally polite, saluting his still standing at the entrance superior, before exiting the room. The documents he was carrying had been placed on the floor.

On the floor!

That desk was an enormous one, was she to lie on it, Lilith would still have the place left to put Klar’s horrible handmade vase. The damn thing was half a human’s size. Her mouth twitched. Again.

Hadn’t she just left for an hour, how come upon coming back the tasks to do became as frightening as this? Just when being the Demon Lord did become such a boring thing to do, ah? Ah? Where was the promised thrill, the constant feeling of superiority, the satisfying pleasure procure by others’ fear? Where were they? Could someone step aside and tell her?!

As she was really questioning herself over this fact, the old goat demon, Beel, stood behind her too. As always, wearing clean and neat clothes with intricate design, he was quite a dashing personae who really didn’t let the unnumerable centuries he already lived appear on his face. He, too, was holding in his arms quite a number of document and Lilith felt rooted in the place just by the sight of them.

She really wanted this position no more!

The expressionless high demon’s eyes were quite insistent on her, so she stepped aside to let his enormous standing body passed correctly through the door.

“Those are urgent,” he felt the need to precise even though he put them on the floor, in front of the desk for lack of a better place.

‘Weren’t they all?’ thought Lilith wryly finally stepping inside the dimly lit room and with a wave of her hand, the light shone brighter showing more clearly the insufferable work she had on her plate.

Really such a rhythm of work could actually kill way deadlier than any physical attack! Just where did this idiot Serdoras found the time to accompany her in their bouts with such a hectic schedule! To think that since young she always wanted to become the Demon Lord and had tried more times than she could count to kill him for that!

She wanted this no more!

“Beel” she called the demon who was about to go, “I’m counting on you for the interim!”

“What?-”

But he didn’t have the time to ask that she had already disappeared from sight. The usually expressionless demon goat's face became ugly as he shouted her name.

Far from there, Lilith frowned when she heard the vibrations of that powerful demon in the air. Who cares! She'll be damned if she stayed demon lord one more second. But there was no way that Beel would let her alone now. She gotta find Serdoras and let him take back his throne!

Just where did that enchanted paper she gave him send him again?

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Chapter 2: Hua family

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One by one, Yaling started noting down what she could remember. The important points. She analyzed the present situation. For now, the time-frame she was in was the middle of the first trimester of school. That person wouldn’t be coming before Christmas’s holidays. And thinking back on it now, she was still bitter.

She, Yaling, used to think that she was the only child of her father. If she had to describe him, then she would say about her begetter that he was a person who wasn't prone to display his emotions easily, that he was someone who had his own way of showing his love; and concerning her,  then it was to give her whatever she asked for without bothering about its necessity. Having always things given at will without any efforts, she grew up to be someone quite arrogant and freely thought the world to be hers. And what was wrong with that thinking anyway? 

Hua Zhouli, her father, was the sole heir of Hua business. As his only daughter, nothing was refused to her... However, these kinds of thoughts weren't they just beautiful nothingness?... In the end, she understood bitterly that he was just a man who tried, but couldn't love her because her very existence prevented him from being with the love of life... What a joke!

She really, really didn't know what she'd do if she saw him right now. The last time she did, in that nightmare-like life, she had aimed at him with her high heels yet... missed. What a pity!

For now, he wasn't at home, but on a business trip and wouldn’t be back before the next week. And even if he was here they wouldn’t meet all that much anyway. She used to think that it was because they didn’t spend much time together that they weren’t as close as she was with her mother. After all Hua Zhouli was someone who went to work early in the morning and came back late in the evening. They would sometimes share the evening meal, but that was it.

Not good at showing his emotions? Wasn't it laughable taking into account what she knows now? Oh, how wrong she had been! The kind of pampering he gave to that Guoying was completely different from the one he sometimes indulged her when she was a child. From making time for her to going everywhere he could with her, he definitely was a changed man radiating with life. Had it been so wrong, then, for her to hate that woman so very much? Yaling may have had everything she asked for but she never knew that the ones she wasn't asking for were the most important, the ones she yearned for the most!

And she was sure now, all through their lives together, that man actually never loved her. At all! He easily drew the lines between them and with no remorse, he chased out someone who had always thought herself to be his daughter!

Then there were also her grandparents. Considering the year now, they should still be living in their separate mansion. It would be during the oncoming year that Guoying would convince them to come and live together as one family should. 

Those two old geezers! The apple surely didn't fall far from the tree for they were even colder and more detached towards her and her mother than her father had ever been. Younger, she had always wanted to please them, but they would always find fault with her, her ways of sitting, of clothing herself, nothing she did ever pleased them; so she stopped trying. That was just how they were she had concluded, no longer caring. It rubbed her the wrong way, then, to see how easy it had been for them to acknowledge Guoying.

Those two old people had been the most pleased when she and her mother were chased out!

Every member of this Hua family had been so eager to see them out. A little more than twenty years of knowing her did nothing to them. Guoying just had to present herself and she won their hearts in a way that Yaling could never do.

Why?

She was still surnamed Hua. She had spent years interacting with them, yet they could bear to treat her so.

And Mei Ping. She wasn’t a stranger to this result. In those terrible memories, Zhouli had brought out a paper claiming that Yaling wasn’t his child and he was livid about it. From her own conclusions, she thought that her mother brought a rift between her father and the one he loved. As a result, the woman disappeared, never letting it known that she was pregnant and her mother, Mei Ping, with her visibly pregnant state stepped in and wed into the family. Grandparents Hua certainly never approved of the way she married in. And even though Yaling could somehow understand their anger, the most important thing she did note was that, if her father had never, even once cheated on Guoying’s mother with her own mother, there was no way that her mother’s dupery would have worked. In the end, the man reaped what he sowed. Why then, bark at another when he couldn’t man up and take responsibility?

The person in question was still her mother. Someone who was always watching out for her and had loved her enough for the two parents. She was, in this matter, a deeply biased person. No matter what, she would always be by her mother’s side. Even if the whole world was her mother’s enemy, she would still claim loud and clear that she, Yaling, would forever be her mother’s ally.

And so, her first goal would be that. Her mother’s good life.

Concerning that Guoying… she was not after any kind of revenge there might be. And which revenge anyway… If she thought about that woman, there was bitterness and something akin to exhaustion that ran all over her body, deeply seated in her bones. A great unpleasant sensation. She had exhausted all her energy trying to dethrone that person previously and failed majestically. From now on, with this chance given, let her live her own life a little. 

Was she bitter about it? Oh, so terribly! But she had tried enough in her past life. She wouldn’t waste this one too. Ignoring her existence, when she would come, would be enough. Living a good life for herself would be enough.

And concerning this family, she was alright with stepping out... but at her own conditions!

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Chapter 1: Seventeen again

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She was breathing. She was alive… Yaling had personally jumped in that high traffic yet here she was… here was her mother… still living and younger than in her memories… healthier too, as though that aura of death that hung over her head never existed in the first place… everything seemed normal… almost as though time really did rewind itself.

It took time for that reality to sink in. Days… Weeks even… And in the end, convinced that she was wide awake, not delirious –or if she lost her mind and was in a psychiatric hospital, let her never be cured- Yaling wondered now what happened?

At night, when she closed her eyes to sleep she would wake up in cold sweat and screaming, seeing that past or maybe future that haunted her and deeply scared her; but once awake, she would be in her mother’s embrace. Warmth contact, light perfume, and soft words whispering to her that it was but just a nightmare. Eyes closed, she could still feel the impact of the car that had run over her, the cold metal that flung her to the windshield, and could still feel the crack of her bones as she was slammed on the floor after; eyes closed, she could still see her mother’s lifeless body, blue face and eyes almost popping out of their sockets; eyes closed, she could still see the rejection in her father’s eyes as well as the eyes of her grandparents; eyes closed, her worst nightmares came alive in the most terrifying forms.

But opening them… the reality was so different… or maybe it just hadn’t caught up yet? Or did she dream it all? Were they really just dreams –highly imaginative nightmares if so- or maybe like her mother had said back then in that other-reality did her soul really went back in time? She couldn’t believe it! Hadn’t even believed it when her mother had said that and was quite angry at the woman for wasting her medical fees on such things… but now, now… maybe she could start believing because it really matched.

Everything happening from the moment she woke up with tears on her face until now… it matched with the faint memories she had from the year she was seventeen. She had missed two weeks of classes now, but from the messages she was getting, nothing changed. Be it the homework that was passed via mails or the lessons’ contains. Yaling was really back to being seventeen with memories up to when she would be twenty-eight.

Her mother had been right.

Her dear mother had been right.

Oh God, her mother had been right!

Tears welled again in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She couldn’t help herself but cry. At the time, she had been so angry and had quarreled with her begetter so much. Instead of using the money for her operation, Mei Ping went ahead and consulted someone dealing with black magic. She was so happy about it too, no remorseful at all over the fact. They were in dire need of money yet she went ahead and gave almost all of it into something like this. Yaling had been so mad that she said many horrible things and didn’t return home that day… and when she finally did… she found that her depressed mother... had hung herself… The ready apologies she had rehearsed couldn't be said anymore... no matter how much she wanted… she couldn’t apologize anymore… she had regretted it so much… so bitterly… painfully…

So, every night that she saw her mother’s body hanging on that rope behind closed eyelids, she would scream like she did that day; pleading for reality to be different and would be so appeased then to open her eyes again to see the woman holding her in her arms. She would apologize then, fiercely hugging the warm and living person, she kept on begging forgiveness... constantly… full of tears and remorse… and Mei Ping wouldn’t understand, but would still try to calm her down.

"Should I call your father?"

Mei Ping started to really worry about this for it was going on for days now, but Yaling always declined to go to the hospital and refused for someone to come and check on her, so the mother really didn't know what to do. 

At this mention, Yaling froze before shaking her head. She didn't want to see him... not now... not yet... In the end, after two weeks, it got better. She was having nightmares still but she wasn’t screaming anymore, so her mother thought they stopped and the teenager didn’t disillusion her.

Yaling had holed herself up in her bedroom for two weeks, refusing to come out, not even responding to her friends’ calls. However, she finally decided that it was enough. Hearing that word 'father' brought her back to reality. Ready or not, she must face it.

There was no need for tears. No time for tears. She had cried enough already.

It had scared her mother out of her wits, when, the next day following the first time her daughter started screaming in her sleep, she had then cried profusely when looking at the breakfast she was served.

Yaling couldn’t help herself at that moment. How could she not cry? Near the end of their lives, they had had almost nothing to eat, their conditions not better than the beggars in the street. At that time, Tu Yinjun was using his influence so that Yaling wouldn’t find work anywhere in the city. Not talking about the accumulating bills, the landlord was always breathing down their necks, threatening to expulse them. If it weren’t for Tu Hong, they would never have collected enough for her mother’s operation… yet instead of using that money... she had gone and… it didn’t matter anymore.

Now, Yaling really did go back to being a seventeen-year-old teenager, her last year of high school had just started. That sister had yet to appear, she herself had yet to be disinherited. She could do this. She could give her mother a better life… she could give herself a better future…

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Epilogue

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“Aren’t you eating way too much recently?” asked Feng Xi in a sort of amazed voice when she saw Mu Rong An followed her lead and filled her own bowl one more time. For Feng Xi it was quite alright, she would train and her body needed the additional energy but where did this slim woman stock all that she ate?

The comment, an unwelcome one, had Mu Rong An scowled –which Feng Xi actually liked better than the other's polite smile. These days, Mu Rong An seemed to ease in her presence and wasn’t as rejecting as before.

“Aren’t people supposed to eat when hungry?” she rebuked.

“Are they starving you in here for you to be so hungry!”

“You!” Wasn’t this woman cheeky! She came all the way to her residence to eat for free and dared to comment as boldly as she wanted, “I’m hungry so what!”

Feng Xi laughed out loud at the other’s outrage and slapped her thigh as she said, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry; eat, eat, never let it be said that because of me the general’s wife didn’t eat her fill. He won’t let me alone if I dare.”

Mu Rong An glared at her and returned to her chopsticks, choosing to ignore her.

Feng Xi, a smile on her lips, observed the other woman more attentively now. For the past months, she would come from time to time to pass a bit of time in this residence to see this person. Although she was mostly treated politely at the beginning it was better now and looking at this person who was now acting like a human and not like some sort of automaton without a soul, filled Feng Xi with ecstasy. Her face had regained its color, her eyes were brimming with life and… she had a decent appetite. Actually a big appetite, and was also prone to mood swings. Something for two weeks now… which had Feng Xi’s imagination run a bit wild, looking at her stomach… It was flat still but maybe… maybe... She smiled some more… It was good. Really good.

Finished with her bowl, Feng Xi placed it down and decided, “I am going to leave the capital.” 

Life here really wasn’t for her. She had followed the army until here but she wasn't really bound to them. She mostly came for her own reasons and now that her worries had been erased, there was no reason then, to stay where she wasn't comfortable.

Mu Rong An lifted her face to look at her. She found Feng Xi way more pleasing than Li Ming Qi, maybe it was because they actually never did go head to head against one another. It wasn't that she was completely comfortable with being around her but it was far better now. After a moment, Mu Rong An said, “En,… do you know where you’ll be going?”

Feng Xi smiled, “not yet, but the good thing about not having a destination is that every road leads you there.”

The general’s wife smiled wryly at that. What kind of logic was this?

“When will you depart?”

“In a couple of days; I’m not sure I’ll have the time to come and say goodbye by then so I'm doing it now.”

"With Yan Mi?"

"En."

Mu Rong An thought a bit and motioned for her servant to come closer and she whispered in her ears. The servant left but returned swiftly after that, a pouch in hand that she gave to Feng Xi. It was filled with coins. Golden Coins. After all, what this person usually lacked the most was still money.

“I can’t accept,” she dared reject though.

Feng Xi thought Mu RongAn would push but the other just waved at her servant who took away the pouch and instead, proposed to play a song on her erhu as a departing gift then.

Feng Xi was more than willing to listen.

It was just that, caught up in the song, she never paid attention to the servant who put the pouch in her bag and the day she did, it was far too late; she was already outside the capital.

"Write, from time to time," Mu Rong An had suddenly asked when Feng Xi was ready to go. It would be a lie to say that there wasn't a part of Mu Rong An happy that Feng Xi was going but at the same time, there was another part of her, a bigger one, that started to like this woman who was constantly looking out for her as though she was her appointed guard even now.

"I will," she promised and Mu Rong An smiled for her.

***

The evening of that day, when Ru Shan Yong came back from court and they were sharing dinner in their courtyard, Mu Rong An caught herself filling her bowl one more time. If Feng Xi never pointed it out, she wouldn’t have remarked.

She pursed her lips. Was she really eating that much?

“What is it?” asked Ru Shan Yong when he saw that she had frozen and was now glaring at the rice in her bowl.

“Am I eating too much?”

Ru Shan Yong nearly choked on his food,

“Am I too fat?” she persisted,

He first wanted to say that indeed, the amount of food she was ingesting these days had increased. He had initially wanted to ask her about it but she seemed healthier than ever so in the end, he stayed silent. To her question now, he wanted to say that a bit more meat on her was alright and even if it was more than a bit it was alright too –not that she had gained weight- however, something in her expression told him that he must certainly not, say such words.

“Not at all,”

“But I eat more now, don’t I?”

“Maybe you need to grow more,”

“I won’t be growing any more than I already am!”

Why was she getting angry at him now?

Mu Rong An tried resisting her hunger and set down her bowl intending not to eat anymore. She got up and went to sit farther, suddenly finding interest in reordering the things in the room. However, her husband still caught the sneaky glances she was giving his bowl and didn’t know if he was authorized to laugh. She was actually gazing at his plate with longing! Really, where was the need to torture herself? Ru Shan Yong personally served her and stood up to give her the plate,

“Eat and don’t think about anything else,” he was barely holding back his laughers and even though she was glaring at him, she still obediently took it and appeased her stomach.

***

It was some days later actually, when she was with her sisters-in-law, that the idea of summoning a physician had been raised and finally understanding, she clutched the clothes on her stomach, filled with anxiety, fear, and hope... Ru Shan Yong wasn’t there that morning, already having departed for court; it was his sister, who took her hands in hers and smiled at her, assuring her that it was going to be alright. Ru Ying Yue had felt at the time that someone must do so, for Mu Rong An had already gone pale before the physician even came.

And when the physician confirmed that she was pregnant, Mu Rong An didn’t know if she was most scared or most happy. She really wanted it to be alright this time. The women in the residence were all happy and all praises and even though she couldn’t settle for what she felt, Mu Rong An was eager to share the news with Ru Shan Yong.

She hadn’t even let him the time to change clothes and hadn’t even been able to properly formulate sentences. When he came back, she had stood in front of him, a hand on her belly, a look of both joy and fright- a really strange expression. Her husband frowned, a flash of worry had him be by her side in two strides.

“What is it?” he had asked a hand on her shoulder staring straight into her eyes.

She smiled then, taking his hand in hers, she guided it gently and placed it on her stomach. And through her clothes, she could still feel his warmth “I... I...” the words failed her,

Understanding finally dawned on him though, eyes sparkling, she saw him smiled at the point of having dimples and she thought that was the face she wanted him to have for the rest of their lives. He was kissing her then, whispering softly, “this general told you that there was nothing wrong with your body.”

She beamed at him, all worries disappearing into nothingness.

That night she snuggled impossibly closer to him or maybe it was he who was embracing her too tightly. He was assuring her that this time around everything was going to be alright, he would see to it that she lacked nothing,

“Be there all the way,” she had whispered to him, her sole plea.

At that, Ru Shan Yong drew in a breath to her neck, inhaled her warm scent,

“I will,” he promised, his words like an oath.

***

Wasn’t it ‘wonderful’ that a couple of days later that royal couple gave them the high grace of coming personally in their residence to congratulate them? Mu Rong An received them politely, took the long list of presents and medicinal supplies that were brought,  thanking the princess in all kind of flowery words. At one point, Ru Shan Yong had to entertain Hen Ru Ying alone and not trusting herself to stay in the same room with Li Ming Qi near anything breakable such as teapots and vases; she invited the other for scenery viewing of her garden. In the open air! Where she could further the distance between them!

They were talking. At least, their mouths were moving but Mu Rong An couldn’t be sure what she was saying herself, let alone the other. Her features were schooled into neutrality, her smile gentle and she just had to put a hand on her stomach to be at ease and even forget who she was talking to.

A neigh interrupted whatever it was that the princess was saying and she turned to see little black not far away from their position.

Lately, Mu Rong An had wanted to befriend the animal. Or at the very least to have it come when she called. She couldn’t quite help the feeling; the thing was as though glued to her husband to the point she thought they were sharing him. Well, no, not really it was just accompanying him to the palace and bringing him back but she felt that it was taking way too much time of her husband! And anyway, the quadruped was loved dearly by him and thinking carefully, it was, the only one between her husband’s friends, she wanted to make a long-lasting companionship with! There was absolutely nothing wrong with such thoughts, she convinced herself, the horse was that intelligent!

Not that she was anywhere near mounting it though. It was all good if it just came when called, or fake a dance when she played on an instrument or simply stood still and let her paint it. Obviously, Ru Shan Yong was here all those times or it wouldn’t have. Which was certainly why it was unbound now. The servants certainly thought that today too, the general would teach his horse to be obedient to his wife.

Looking at the animal that was lying near the flowers, Mu Rong An clapped her hands once. The animal usually came to her when she did so, instead of whistling -not that she didn't try learning that but no matter how her husband explained it, she just couldn't-. The horse didn’t even lift its head. She clapped them again. But it kept on pretending to sleep. She pursed her lips. That annoying quadruped! Wasn’t it all obedient when Ru Shan Yong was there? She clapped again.

“It’s not a dog you know-” Li Ming Qi started, but before she could finish, the proud animal lifted its head and neighed loudly and it stood suddenly, slowly coming closer to its mater’s wife. Mu Rong An flashed Li Ming Qi a smile as, for once, the animal was actually letting her pet its head by itself.

“It is my husband’s horse, of course, it knows me better than outsiders!”

Li Ming Qi pursed her lips but didn’t talk. When she too, made a motion towards little black, it shrugged, lifted its head to neigh and came closer to Mu Rong An. Suddenly, Mu Rong An felt damn prideful of this animal! She noted somewhere in her head that she most definitely should reward it with more food! For once she really felt coordinate with this quadruped!

As she joyfully recounted the obedience of the stallion that night to her husband all smile and compliments about it, Ru Shan Yong's corners lips couldn't lower. Hearing her, one could doubt she was talking about an animal and to add to her delight of that night, he broke to her the news that the emperor had given him the charge of the inner city. Unless they were to be assieged or another decree, he would be working in the capital from now on.

The future really looked bright. Far brighter than she could have ever thought of.

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Chapter 14: ! Returning home

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“You’ll cut me.” He said again but still, reluctantly, let her have the razor in her hands. It was a sharpened knife-like razor.

“I won’t dare", she protested with a bit of laughter in her tone now gesturing for him to sit down and let her have her way.

Sighing resignedly, Ru Shan Yong really sat thinking that one cut or two -maybe a bit more- didn’t really matter, they would heal anyway before they arrived in the capital and it wasn't like it really hurt.

All this started because he innocently just wanted to shave his beard. He wasn’t really minding his appearance previously, it was the least of his preoccupation these past weeks, but looking in the mirror when waking up he found that he had let it grown too much this time around and he didn’t particularly like it. With or without it, he was dashing had chimed in his wife but seeing him determinate to shave, she suddenly found herself in the mood to serve him and do it for him.

Well, this woman, eagerly serving others was a first and he didn’t really know if he should consider himself lucky or unlucky to be the subject of her service. He had only look on as she had shooed her servants -who were asking behind the door if they should come in and help her bath and dress-.

Mu Rong An leaned on him, smearing the foam on his chin and, with a concentration he had never seen her have before, she delicately passed the knife over with all the precaution she could muster. Each time wiping the mixture of foam and hair on the borders of a small basin before wiping it again on a towel then coming back to his face. Her gestures were slow and careful really not wanting to hurt him. It was a bit of a strange sight. And seeing her so serious had him lift the corner of his lips a bit which got him to be pinched on the neck and scolded,

“Do you really want to be cut? Don’t move your mouth, ah.”

“…” He was still the husband, wasn’t he? He was still older than her, wasn’t he? How come he was treated like this?

“Lift your chin a bit.”

He obediently did so, yet seconds later he took in a sharp breath as the iron pierced his skin,

"Ah! Don't touch! Don't move!" she said immediately, wiping the blood that leaked with attention. "Wasn't my fault," she grumbled in a whisper as she got even slower after that.

"..." Was it his fault then?

And when she finished, she wiped his face with a clean towel, sat on his thighs and observed her handiwork, proud of herself. Well, he had to give her that she did better than he thought she would. Three cuts that didn’t even bleed that much was good for her first time and she had this elated expression, caressing his face, as though she did something wonderful that he couldn’t quite help himself but pull her hand to seal their lips together.

“Will you be helping me every day from now on then?” he asked in a whisper in her ear.

She pushed his chest to see his face once again and frowned a bit, as she passed her hand on his chin, “smooth is good," she replied "but I like it when it’s ticklish too. So no. Otherwise, when will this beard grow again?”

Ru Shan Yong really didn’t know how to feel, it seemed his appearance from now on was to be decided by her when he should shave and not. The corners of his lips wouldn’t stop raising though and when she bent down to kiss him again, he thought it didn’t really matter. It was fine to do it as she liked.

She yelped when he suddenly stood up with her in his hands,

"We should bath already," he said, "else the water will grow cold."

She just wound both hands behind his neck and kissed him again.

***

The morning they approached the gates of the capital enough to see them, Ru Shan Yong left the carriage to mount on little black and Mu Rong An knew then that he would be finishing the travel there. It wasn’t that he previously did all the travel in the carriage; actually, most of the time, he was on little black’s back, galloping near her window. However, for some time of the day, he would keep his wife company by directly sitting in front of her. But now, he was in the front line, the first to be seen in the procession and Mu Rong An, left alone in her carriage, clasped her hands together, her thoughts a bit of a mess.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to come back to the capital; in actual facts, coming back here was great but she couldn’t help but wonder how it would affect the new harmony she finally found with her husband. He would be back to his friends and she was thinking about two particulars ones of them. If she had to be honest –would she really be if he asked?-, she would quite like for him to cut ties with them. However, she was perfectly clear though, that she couldn’t seriously mess their relationship even if she tried…

She wouldn’t… That’s how she was feeling at this moment anyway… she just hoped they would give her the courtesy of not trying to mess her relationship too…

The procession passed through the gates, the population’s cheers got even louder now and Mu Rong An firmly kept the carriage’s curtains down, trying not to think at all.

At one point, the men halted while the carriage kept advancing and when it advanced enough to catch up with Ru Shan Yong who was perched on his mount, unmoving, the man then had his horse came closer to let her know that he was going to the palace first and, she, she would be directly accompanied in the Ru residence. Mu Rong An didn’t immediately respond, letting the silence floated a bit, before saying, “I know”.

He ordered his men, then, to move forward. He stood there, watching the carriage go for time, before having his stallion move to the other direction followed by his men.

***

Coming back in the Ru residence, Mu Rong An, this time around actually put some efforts to know her in-laws, to better their views of her and ameliorate their relationship. If before it was mostly politeness, now she was sincere in trying to be filial. Ru Shan Yong loved his family and she really had no reason to find fault with them. They were, from now onwards her family too and she sincerely hoped they would be getting along.

***

The night came and Ru Shan Yong still had to come back. Sitting by the small table in the chamber, gazing at the window, she had almost forgotten that sensation. 

Waiting. 

Would she have remembered if she didn't converse with her sisters in law? Ru Shan Yong's biological sister, Ru Ying Yue didn't talk all that much but his elder brother's wife had wanted to accommodate her and not let her feel like a stranger in the room. However, Hui Yin didn't really think she had much in common with this younger sister, so, after the common greetings, she had Mu Rong An talked a bit about her life in the borders before lamenting jokingly how she, she never had the chance to accompany her husband.

The conversation didn't last long. Her mother in law said that she should rest early for she must be tired after all this travel. And sitting here, all alone in this big bedroom, it finally dawned on her that actually, she was really married to a general. A general. Someone bounded to go to battlefields and risked his life. Someone, she would be unable to see at will.

She wasn’t a person who could mount a horse and brandished a sword to actually claim to him ‘I’m going with you’. She was bound to wait. And wait. And wait... Maybe there were times when it wouldn’t resolve itself in months like it did with the Fen country, maybe it could take years before he comes back… And maybe… despite her wait,… he would never come back.

If it was like this, wouldn’t it be better for him to actually work in the capital, to be promoted in the capital’s defense or work for the palace? She wondered a bit if she could persuade him to ask for an affectation in there.

She gazed at her bed. It was the same one she had slept on in their wedding night -not that they shared a bed that night-, all too big for a single person now she thought. She really wished he would come back to her and sleep here for she had already forgotten how it was to sleep by herself.

She was dozing off when he came back, her neck already sored for she had lied down uncomfortably on the table. She vaguely heard him sighed helplessly before he lifted her and tucked her to bed, then changing his clothes and lying by her side snuggling to her. He sighed comfortably now and she snuggled closer to share his warmth.

***

The day after, even if Mu Rong An wanted to return to her family to greet them, it would have to wait, for a feast had long been prepared by the Emperor for the general and was just waiting for his return. So it seemed, before getting to see her family members, she would have to first play pretend in the palace. And with her best smile on, she was ready to go.

“You won’t try harming people, right?” Ru Shan Yong asked quite bluntly with a frown on his face as they were both ready and about to go to the carriage.

And by people, he most certainly meant Li Ming Qi. That was a subject of conversation they didn't have since long ago and he genuinely couldn't tell what kind of thoughts his wife had concerning his friends. She had said not hatred but for this person, it could mean a variety of things. Mostly bad ones.

“Of course not," she said pursing her lips. That person and her, if they both could go on with their lives and not interact at all would be best but since it couldn't be, she truthfully said, "At worst, it would only be words.”

"Mu Rong An," he said with a sort of warning in his tone and she smiled at him,

"Have I ever been rude in public? I'll be the very picture of courtesy. I really have no reason to be in disharmony with people now, do I?"

He seemed to think a bit before saying, "It's alright to fight back though," he added just in case it was actually his friends that incite her ire. 

Even though he already talked to the three of them, Ru Shan Yong really couldn't predict how they would react. If only by being just polite it would be good enough.

Mu Rong An didn't acknowledge his words for she really needn't his authorization for this. For those who picked on her, she had always retorted in kind so far and she wouldn't stop doing it now. Either way, that woman was now a princess consort, she would have to be courteous to her; however, if it was the other that started it, no one would fault her then in defending her self.

He seemed to read her thoughts, though he didn't rebuke, just lightly knocked her forehead with his finger; Frowning at him, she lifted her hand to massage the place. It was good, he thought, to see her face displayed so many emotions now but he knew once they stepped in the Palace, her smile would be as fake as all those around them would be.

“And you have me too,” he assured.

She opened her mouth but didn't say anything and in the end, closed it, shifting her sight, not looking him in the eye, she murmured an "En" that he almost didn't catch.

What now? Was she blushing? That's an endearing sight!

He made a motion to touch her hair - a gesture he seemed to like recently- but before it reached she already swatted his hand away. Her hair had already been dressed so beautifully what was he messing it for!

***

Mu Rong An really didn't have to wait long before meeting with the second prince and his wife again. It just so happened that they arrived almost at the same time in the Palace. 

Hen Ru Ying wasn't living in the imperial palace but in his own residence which wasn't too far and upon entering the palace, from one point, everyone must go down the carriage and finished the road by feet. Seeing the general just some meters in front, the second prince had a servant go and asked of the general to wait for them to catch up so they could arrive together. 

Mu Rong An long ago had her signature smile on her lips and said nothing, standing still near her husband while looking back at the approaching couple. She sneaked a peek at her own husband. The corners of his lips that used to be slightly lifted each time he saw Li Ming Qi previously weren't today. Her heart finally calmed down. She could now believe he really let go of his feelings. So, her mood better, she reported her attention to the incoming people.

Wasn't it cute, they were wearing matching clothes! 

Li Ming Qi didn't change much or maybe she now had more presence than before. Her husband was dotingly holding her hands almost as though, would she so wished, he was ready to carry her and spared her the walking. Mu Rong An noted too, that none of Hen Ru Ying's concubines were present. She bet one really did court her death by constantly opposing this female lead and the other -who certainly faked an illness today- was planning on not minding her husband anymore but curry favor with the new wife instead.

Wasn't it kind of unfair? Others were deemed unvirtuous if they oppressed the concubines but this person had the world singing praises for her virtuousness instead albeit that was the handiwork of her husband's influence. They were in love and since marriage, the prince never strayed. People were acclaiming this even more so that this husband liked to profess his infatuation.

As she was looking at them, the one Ru Shan Yong had his eyes on, was her. Somehow, it was important for him to see which reaction she'd have upon seeing the second prince again. No longing he could see or tenderness. Good. And upon looking at Li Ming Qi too, she was still calm.

There wasn't any anger in Mu Rong An, really, maybe something akin to boredom so she couldn't help herself then but wish for this 'perfect' woman to trip and fall and if possible, drag her equally 'perfect' husband in that fall too so that she, Mu Rong An, could attest how well-matched they were and she certainly wouldn't forget to praise their so-called harmony.

Ru Shan Yong cleared his throat and she flashed him an innocent smile. Wasn't he way too much perceptive lately?

The royal couple finally joined them and they exchanged pleasantries before continuing the road together.

***

Once inside the great imperial hall, the sitting places had been arranged so that the second prince and general Ru sat side by side; so, consequently, Mu Rong An and Li Ming Qi were quite close too.

There wasn't a separation for men and women, the hall was slowly getting filled while waiting for the Emperor and Empress to arrive.

Something Mu Rong An discovered later in the ongoing discussions, it seemed that Li Ming Qi already had a son of some months now, so she could only follow suit like everyone else and ask how the child was, though, she couldn't really be sure what this new mother responded. She suddenly developed selective hearing, ah, which was wonderful, absolutely!

And while others were marveling at the crown princess cold countenance, noble aura, and whatnot Mu Rong An was thinking if she should just fake illness and leave earlier. It wouldn't be good though, the banquet had yet to start and she couldn't really miss the Emperor praising her husband now, could she? It was just that she would have preferred a different sitting position.

Anyway, she had a fake smile on that Ru Shan Yong definitely wouldn’t be proud of and participate in the conversations while her husband was deep in his.

***

When the Emperor and Empress left and everyone started following, and although Mu Rong An too, wouldn't have minded returning home -heck, she wished they would return already!- she still denied being tired when asked and so, Ru Shan Yong left without worry with Hen Ru Ying somewhere to catch up all by themselves; and she, she was wondering now if she should go out to breath a bit rather than stay here to answer all these questions the women around her fancied asking.

“You were politer than I thought you would have been,” interrupted the voice of the princess consort when she really did go out. 

They were just outside the hall, not far from the passage and even though Mu Rong An's servant had previously wanted for her mistress to wear a coat, the other had claimed to want to feel the cool breeze of the night some more.

"Is princess consort so bored that she would come to seek my company?" she asked with a smile. 

There were so many people in there trying to talk to her, what was she doing here? Was she feeling lonely if no one was making things difficult for her?

Li Ming Qi looked at Mu Rong An for a time. The other was clearly not welcoming her presence but there was no longer this murderous aura she was filled with when facing her previously. 

"Were the northern borders an enjoyable place?"

Was Mu Rong An supposed to say she liked staying in a place of war? She just kept her mouth shut.

Mulling her words over, Li Ming Qi finally said after a sigh,

"Life goes and continues. Deception isn't bad sometimes and help the growth. The past shouldn't be thought about with longing but should serve as a lesson."

"..." Who asked this woman her opinion? Mu Rong An's smile didn't waver but her eyes grew cold.

Seeing that the other wasn't willing to converse, Li Ming Qi turned to the servant by the side and ordered, "the night is getting colder, what are you waiting for, already put that coat on your mistress."

Such a thing had Mu Rong An's polite smile went warmer as she lifted her hand to motion for her servant to stop, "Princess consort still has the time to care of others I see. It is quite unnecessary."

"What others," said the now princess in a smile, "there is no need for such politeness between friends... Aren't we friends now?"

Mu Rong An's smile widened some more, “this one doesn’t dare accept such a friendship.” She said, adding in her heart, 'even if the world had no more people, I'm afraid there are still some that I would never befriend.'

"... This may be a saying you may not know but it goes 'never say never'," chuckled Li Ming Qi. "This princess had been friends with the general for a longer time and can help to give his preferences, what do you say?" she tried again.

"One would wonder when the princess consort learned to be a dog who catches mice."

Before Li Ming Qi's servant could get angry and rebuked, her master was chuckling again, feeling that, indeed, she was a bit meddlesome now. She had first thought that whatever magic Ru Shan Yong did to this woman, it made her more amiable; but apparently, that was just an impression or maybe as long as the person talking to her wasn't Li Ming Qi she was genuinely amiable?

The first prince Hen Ming Jin got out of the hall at this moment and greeted them, particularly lingering to talk to Li Ming Qi with unending appreciation.

The first prince was bound to die. Previously, the physician had predicted three years left to his life. Always suffering, he was never seen in public, forever in his residence drinking terribly bitter medicines every day. Li Ming Qi arrived and ameliorate his state. For that, he was quite fond of her. He wasn't experiencing that excruciating pain anymore and even though she too said he couldn't be saved, she added to his lifespan a bit, saying that he still had seven years to go at worse and nine at best. 

When the man left, Mu Rong An couldn't resist saying,  “Isn't godly doctor the title bestowed upon princess consort? What is it that princess can't really cure?"

"Sometimes no one can do anything," sighed the woman with regret.

"Indeed. No one is God. What the princess consort can do and cannot, only the princess knows. The Emperor had already prayed but wasn't listened to. Maybe, when the second prince would be crowned, then this time around all wishes could be satisfied."

Li Ming Qi smiled too and Mu Rong An thought, it was as fake a smile as everyone else in the Palace now.

"Indeed. Let us hope."

If asked, Mu Rong An would say that Li Ming Qi was simply refusing to cure the first prince. Of course, whether the woman really had the ability she didn't know but just for the sake of antagonizing her, she rather thinks that the woman was securing her hubby's dragon seat and either way if the first prince died easily without a stream of blood to follow it was best for them.

One had to wonder though if he was coveting it in the first place. Informed since birth that he wouldn't live long, he certainly wasn't.

The one who would sit on the Emperor's throne was Hen Ru Ying. He and his desire to unify the world.

Calling for a palace servant, Mu Rong An had him pass a message to her husband, stating that she was quite tired now, while she returned to the hall to wait for him.

Li Ming Qi looked at her, sighed once again and thought that she did try anyway.

In a pavilion, just the two of them, Ru Shan Yong and Hen Ru Ying were talking while sharing wine. They talked about the borders first, Fen country, the new weapons,... and in the end, redirected their conversation to Ru Shan Yong's marriage after having talked about Hen Ru Ying's baby. 

"Are you really planning to stay married?" Even now, the second prince couldn't quite understand what prompted his friend's decision and even more, he chose Mu Rong An as the one he wedded. "By now you must have experienced countless reasons for a divorce to be approved."

Ru Shan Yong vaguely thought about someone threatening to harm any other woman he would be infatuated with and the corners of his lips rose a bit,  "None at all," he said and the lie was actually a truth, for despite everything he knew of her, divorcing Mu Rong An wasn't something he envisaged at all. It sounded like a ridiculous thing actually.

Hen Ru Ying observed his face a bit, “This prince remembers your words of four years ago," and he proceeded to repeat them although adding some words and deleting others. 

"If it comes down to it and if by sheer will, I think I'll never marry" had once said Ru Shan Yong in a gathering. "They talk another language entirely." There, he was talking about the ladies in general. "I won't understand her and she won't stand me." Not everyone was like the sisters he had at home after all.

"And I remember your words being way harsher than mine."

"Indeed," Hen Ru Ying conceded, in a laugh, "but Qi'er is different while Mu-"

Ru Shan Yong violently put his cup on the table, the thing cracked and broke and the remaining wine spilled all over. The abrupt sound effectively cut Hen Ru Ying's words and the latter looked at his friend who had a somber expression on, the smile long gone, "my wife," he said with a tone of warning.

His friend was serious, the second prince realized. Since when had they not being crossed with each other? It should certainly be way back from when they were still kids. Yet, now his closest friend was getting angry at him for another person's sake? And for Mu Rong An at that?

"It is indeed I who went too far," Hen Ru Ying apologized, not ready to turn this joyous night into a quarrel. "No need to take it so seriously."

The servant sent by Mu Rong An came at this moment and Ru Shan Yong got up to go, but halted to state, “If it comes down to facts, I think my previous words can be considered as lies now.”

He was starting to understand her just fine after all and she didn't seem to be struggling too either.

***

Back in the Ru residence, in their courtyard, all ready and set for bed, as he looked at his wife who, since the carriage hadn't uttered a word, Ru Shan Yong asked, "how was it with the princess consort?" 

He had deliberately left them together to see if their relationship could be bettered. Although he didn't think they would be all suddenly the closest friends in the world, he still wanted, though,  for them to be able to stand each other's presence without forcing themselves; without Mu Rong An having to cage all her anger in a smile. He had waited for her to talk about it or even complained but she said nothing so he could only resolve himself to ask.

Mu Rong An was sitting on the bed, pulling at the blanket to slip under, she paused in her movement to look at him who also sat on the other side of the bed.

She pursed her lips. She had wanted to catch up with her friends that were present or talk to her brother alone but it was as though that Li Ming Qi was following her everywhere so much that she had to step out and breath. So, no, she didn't particularly find the banquet pleasant. From the moment he stepped out with the second prince it became stuffy for her -and that because she was particularly trying to mind her words-. She wasn't sure she would keep minding them all that much in the future. She kept on distracting herself with the idea that she could always send cards to invite those she liked in the residence later anyway or directly go visit; else she swore, princess consort or not, her mouth would have ended slipping and bringing calamities to let him deal with it! It wouldn't be bad, hadn't he said she could count on him?

"It was entertaining," she responded anyway not wanting a lengthy conversation on those people at the moment. "The crown princess was bored so I accompanied her to talk a bit," Ru Shan Yong certainly didn't miss the insincerity in that smile of hers and sure enough, she added, "unwillingly, of course. Not that in her greatness she minded; she is all healthy now, good and well... we talked for some time..." her smile got even brighter, "it was amazing."

"...I won't meddle anymore," Ru Shan Yong promised in an apology tone and quite helplessly added, "we are out of the Palace can you stop smiling like this now?"

She didn't. "Why?" she asked, "I had such a good night! Listening to everyone around praising the princess consort and so loud near me... and I didn't mind that" she said hastily before he could cut her, "but she had to follow me everywhere I went... forcing me to listen to her life... and yours," that's where her smiled died "as though she wanted to prove a point."

Ru Shan Yong furrowed his brows too, "mine?"

"Your great friendship! It's not like this wife is unaware of it!"

He took her hand that was holding on to the blanket in his and pressed a soft kiss to her palm, brushed his lips over the inside of her wrist. The gesture seemed to calm her and her eyes searched his. She seemed to mellow, "it's disappointing you that I don't want... I can be polite to her. She is the princess consort, I would still have to be polite to her... To give people face... I can do it... I learned it all my life... I can play pretend... but don't ask me to genuinely have her in my heart."

"I can't be disappointed..." he said his hand on her cheek, "it was my wrong... and it's alright... keep telling me... don't bottle up things..."

"She was polite maybe even amiable... I just didn't want to see her... Maybe I was jealous... Did you know," her voice got softer and softer as she lowered her head, a little ashamed of herself, "... she has a child... a boy... a healthy, living, boy"

She had put a hand on her stomach, without a doubt reminiscing that child they lost.

He lifted her chin and kissed her. Soft kiss that got heated quite soon. He whispered to her in ragged breaths, forehead touching, mouthes close, hot heated breath mingling, "you've got nothing to prove. Being you is enough and for anything else, we are together. We have a lifetime to understand each other... a lifetime to know each other in and out."

He kissed her forehead, her temple, her cheek, descended to her neck slowly pushing her on the bed; his hands everywhere as though wanting to physically prove to her that she indeed wasn't alone.

Clothes flew left and right, pants and soft moans filling the air.

"Don't move," he ordered when she wanted to bascule their position and he went even further down the bed, stretching between her legs. He rubbed his cheek against the inside of her thigh, trailing kisses over the well of her knee; she shivered, moaning as he smoothed his hands over her hips. He nosed at the crease of her thigh, his breath soft and warm against her; he slid his hands down to open her legs further, his palms warm against her sweaty skin, then drew his tongue-

She yelped, “you! Where do you think you’re licking?"

He chuckled. "I remember someone once doing the same... and refusing to budge!"

She whimpered, hissing the inhale through her teeth when he pressed his mouth to the high juncture between her legs, his face buried in the cradle of her thighs, his hands an upward slide across the soft slope of her low belly.

“Don’t talk when in this place.” she scolded albeit panting and not very convincing. Dear! he kept on licking and she gasped, trembled; Heat rushing all over her body, under her skin, down her belly, wetting her all the more.

Her eyes closed and her hands clenched in the blanket. Breathing was so hard. And he kept on licking so brazenly. The initial shame dissolved as she couldn't think anymore, her panting louder, her breath more ragged. He kept on feasting on her unabashedly, his tongue parting her and delving inside. Her hold on the sheet tightened. She threaded the fingers of one hand in his hair, was she pushing him out or pushing him in for deeper contact, she didn't know. She was gasping and trembling, heat twisting in her belly. He curved his hands underneath her, moaning and lifting her closer to his mouth, and she pushed up against him, desperate and unable to breathe, finding her release had her back arched and his tongue fluttered and curled. She cried his name, holding his hair firmly not caring at the moment if it hurt him or not, heart beating fast, toes curling.

He chuckled as he lifted himself up. Her face was redder than it had ever been and he felt a sensation of accomplishment then.

She could taste herself when he leaned up and kissed her, sharp and slightly sweet; he mouthed at her neck, dragging his lips over to her collarbone. He made a low noise against her neck as he slid inside her. It took her a few long seconds to regain her composure, and she was suddenly aware of a heated length. She reversed their position then and he let her set the rhythm...

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